Make Me Forget
by Sammie0014
Summary: After Dimitri breaks Rose's heart she can't live with the heartbreak he has caused. One question "Make me forget" could be the end of Dimitri and Rose. Can their love survive when Rose doesn't even remember loving him in the first place? R&R :D
1. Make Me Forget

_Author's note: This fanfic is based after Dimitri tells Rose's his love for her has faded. This breaks her heart, and she goes to Adrian for help. She wants him to make her forget Dimitri. Will that be enough to cure her heartache? _

His words swam through my head. Every time I heard the echo of his voice the world seemed to sway, and tiny glass-like splinters twisted themselves straight through my heart. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to feel happy again. I couldn't be happy now. I was supposed to be with Adrian, but I knew my heart, my soul, would always be drawn to my first love. Dimitri was supposed to be mine. We were supposed to be together. But I'd heard the absolution in his voice when he told me his love had faded. I knew there was no going back now.

I knocked on Adrian's door before I even realized I was outside his room. I needed him. I needed someone who cared about me right now. Lissa didn't seem to anymore. As soon as the door opened Adrian looked extremely worried.

"Hey," He soothed, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" _Crying? _I touched my face and realized he was right. Great. I wasn't the type to cry often. I really didn't like how much Dimitri could effect me.

"I-I" I couldn't speak past the sobs which racked my entire body.

Adrian's arms encased me quickly and he pulled me to his chest. I calmed a little as he rubbed my back, whispering reassurances like 'it'll all be okay'. I wish it would be okay. I wanted to forget everything that had happened! Everything that ever occurred between Dimitri and I.

I stepped back quickly, and I was sure the hope I felt was conveyed all over my face.

"You have to make me forget," I said quickly, "Please, you have to make me forget."

His face looked confused, but realization soon took over, and disappointment. He could see how upset and heartbroken I felt. He could clearly see it in my aura. I didn't know what it would look like, but I knew he would help me. Adrian cared about me, and he didn't want to see me in pain.

He finally let out a sigh of resignation, "What do you want to forget?"

"Dimitri," I stated, "Everything about him, I want it gone."

He stared intently at me for a few seconds, "Are you sure? I don't think you can get those memories back. I can't compel them away until I know you are absolutely sure."

"I am," I whispered, "Please." I felt like I was begging, but I had to.

"Okay…" He sighed.

I just hoped it would work.

Could you truly forget your soul mate?

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	2. The Forgotten Night

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The harsh rays of the sun woke me from my some-what peaceful sleep. The first thing my brain registered was the throbbing sensation which seemed to be affecting my entire head. It was the worst kind of headache someone could get and I immediately wanted it to go away. I didn't recall ever having one so bad.

For a second I considered the possibility of a hangover, but I couldn't remember the last time I'd drank anything. I'd been pretty hellbent on never drinking again. I didn't want to affect the bond or risk Lissa's life just for the momentary thrill of being intoxicated. Had I really been that stupid? I couldn't seem to remember the previous night. I didn't know why I would be so stupid thought. Had something happened?

I checked the bond once my groggy mind began to wake up a little more. I could feel Lissa's anxiety. It was strange because I couldn't really tell what she was anxious about. I just knew it had something to do with me. I tried to probe the bond a little more, but I got nothing. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I knew it would be Lissa; I could still sense that much.

I hurried to the door and threw it open. Her face portrayed her anxiety, and an emotion which oddly looked like guilt. I didn't know what had happened between us, my memory still wasn't coming back, but it couldn't have been good, I could tell that by the look on her face.

"I'm so, so sorry Rose," was the first words that left her mouth, "Please, don't be angry or upset with me anymore. I really am sorry; I just thought...I thought what I was doing was the right thing at the time. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"It's fine," I immediately responded. A second later I realised I probably should have figured out what exactly she had done before forgiving her. If it was bad enough to make her his guilty and anxious then it was bad. Still, I pulled her into a hug after seeing the doubtful expression on her face, "You're my best friend Liss, my sister, I could never stay mad at you."

She glanced at me with confusion on her face, "How aren't you mad at me?" She seemed almost shocked at my forgiveness. _She must have done something really bad then. _All I got from the bond was her guilt over the secrecy. Suddenly I was hit with an image; an image of a Dhampir man. And boy, he was hot; dark hair, dark eyes, tanned skin; he was practically a God. I was startled to realise this image had come through the bond...from Lissa's head. A man, secrecy and guilt; my jaw almost hit the floor.

"Did you cheat on Christian?" I couldn't keep the outrage out of my voice. I was the first person to admit that Christian hadn't been my first choice for Lissa's romantic interest when they first met, but I'd warmed to him and even liked him now. We were friends, and we'd grown close. I could see how right they were for each other. They loved each other completely...just not as completely as I had thought.

"What?" She cried in outrage, "How could you even say that?" I felt defiance and anger through the bond. She thought I was being immature. I didn't care how reckless I'd been in the past, I didn't condone cheating, especially not when it was Lissa cheating on Christian. Maybe she thought I was pretending not to remember...

"Well I can see what you're thinking through the bond," I replied with a sigh. The god-like Dhampir was stuck in my head now. I didn't condone cheating, but damn she'd at least picked well. _Dimitri, _I picked the name out of her head, "Everything's Dimitri, Dimitri, Dimitri...it's like he's all you think about."

"Wow," Lissa's voice lost all emotion, "That's low, even for you. I would never do that, especially not to you." And with that she turned and left, leaving me more confused then ever. I didn't even contemplate diving into her head yet. My own was hurting too much.

Instead I sunk back into bed and let sleep overtake me.

I was hoping to get away from the headache.

I was trying to escape the confusion and memory loss.

The last thing I thought before I fell asleep was _poor Christian._ He worshipped Lissa, and now she'd betrayed him with another man. She was no longer the Lissa I knew. The old Lissa never would have done that to someone. I guessed she'd changed.

When I opened my eyes again the sun was gone. Thank god. It was now technically Moroi daytime so I dragged myself out of bed. I wanted to see Adrian. Despite the throbbing in my head I wanted to have some fun, and considering he was my boyfriend I thought it would be best to have that fun with him.

I showered and dressed quickly, wearing jeans and a fitted red long sleeved shirt. Over that I added a leather jacket and slipped on my shoes. I applied minimal make-up, mostly because I didn't want to stand around for too long.

As soon as I was ready I left, locking the door behind me. Soon I was at Adrian's room and I couldn't keep the goofy grin off my face. Adrian was a genuinely nice guy, and he was hot. Most girls, Moroi and Dhampir, would be so jealous that he was my boyfriend and not theirs.

I knocked quickly, and as he opened the door a surprised look crossed his face.

"Little Dhampir," He said cautiously, "What are you-How are you today?" He was studying me intently, which made me curious. It also made me think he knew what had happened the previous night. Maybe he could explain the headache I had.

"I'm good," I grinned, "Aside from some Lissa issues today, which you probably already know about."

"Lissa issues?" He questioned with raised eyebrows, "I don't know anything about that." His voice sounded cautious and a little wary.

"She showed up this morning at my room apologising about Dimitri," I replied with a shrug, "She ended up leaving a little angry."

"Dimitri?" Adrian's voice was confused now. Great, so he didn't know. I felt a flush of guilt at being the one to tell people about Lissa's affair. Then again, this was Adrian. He was her friend. Maybe he could knock some sense into her. I obviously couldn't.

"I thought you knew about him," I groaned. Despite how wrong I thought it was for Lissa to cheat on Christian I certainly didn't want to go around blabbing about it to people, no matter who it was that I was blabbing to.

"I do," Adrian stated, "But what do you think you know about him?" He was studying me again. It made me feel like I was some kind of science experiment.

"Lissa and that guy are having some affair," I exclaimed, keeping my voice low, "She cheated on Christian!" Adrian's face turned from confused to shocked. My initial reaction as well.

"I should talk to her," He muttered, walking into the hall and shutting his door behind him, "I'll talk to her now." He seemed...guilty. It was odd. I had no idea what was going on, but I didn't like being left out of the loop.

He began to walk away.

"Hey," I called, "Can't she just wait until later! I thought we could...I don't know, hang out for a while or something, maybe get something to eat." I was now the confused one. Everyone seemed to be acting weird lately. I had a bad feeling it was because of whatever happened the previous night...the one I couldn't remember anything about.

"I'll talk to you later," He replied, looking like he was in a daze. I wasn't even sure if he'd actually heard what I'd said to him. After picking my jaw up off the ground I made me way back to my room. The entire time I felt the confusion both Lissa and Adrian had caused clawing at my mind. There was something I couldn't remember, something specific, but I had no idea what that was.

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	3. The Forgotten Heartache

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I walked through the Royal Court with no real goal in mind. All I knew was that I felt hungry, confused and I still had a massive headache. I figured Lissa and Adrian would be together right now, but I refused to go into her head. I didn't want to know anything else about her and that Guardian, or the affair they were having. If I learned anything else I'd feel like I had to tell Christian. He didn't deserve being treated like this.

I soon realised that I was walking around the Court without a destination in mind. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. I was just wandering around, thinking about things. It was so un-Guardian like to just completely be stuck in my head without any awareness of my surroundings. I passed plenty of familiar places, and I was struck once again at how ostentacious everything seemed.

And then I was noticed something else.

The Dhampir Lissa was having an affair with.

He sat outside a cafe, sipping a cup of coffee whilst he read some novel which looked slightly western. He looked different in person then he did in Lissa's mind. He was...wow. Just wow. He looked so...serious. It seemed insane thinking that this man could ever show any emotion other than the serious, stoic expression which his face now potrayed. I couldn't imagine him showing...passion, especially with someone like Lissa. They didn't seem to match. I couldn't imagine them falling for each other. Then again, they obviously had. He reminded me of a cowboy with his duster.

I took a deep breath and approached his table. I vaguely noticed a few Guardians standing around the area. He looked up at me, and his face registered his surprise and shock at seeing me. The look in his eyes...the guilt, told me that he knew exactly why I was here.

"Stay away from Lissa," I said in a low voice, filling my voice with as much venom as I could, "I don't care who you are, but she's happy with her _boyfriend_. And I won't stand by and let you ruin that." His expression changed from surprised to confused.

"Rose, what are you talking about?" He seemed genuinely puzzled. It didn't seem like he was pretending to be confused either...then again I didn't know him well enough to judge. He glanced at me with...hurt I thought, in his eyes.

"You heard me." I pointed a finger at him in warning, "If you ever come near her again you'll have me to deal with. I don't care how skilled a Guardian you are; I'm better." He raised his eyebrows in surprise at my threat. I'm sure he'd heard of my accomplishents.

"Rose?" He began, but I turned and stormed away.

I wasn't sure what I'd actually do if Dimitri didn't stay away from Lissa. I guess my threat had been an empty one. What coud I seriously do if Lissa wanted to continue being so idiotic? She had such a good thing going with Christian; I didn't see why she would ruin that.

Through the bond I felt her emotions, and got a vague glimpse of Adrian. They were together. Depsite my curiousity I didn't enter her head. Instead I briefly checked the bond to see where she was, then I headed there too. She was in her room. She seemed upset.

Once I reached her room I could hear her yelling, but it wasn't loud enough to actually understand what was being said. Just as I went to press my ear closer to the door I was shocked to see the cowboy had followed me! Or...he was visiting Lissa depsite my warnings not to ruin her relationship.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I exclaimed. The voices in the room seemed to quite down a little as my voice echoed through the hall. I winced at the excessive sound I'd made. I guess they;d know I was outside now.

"I'm here to find out what's going on," He wore a concerned expression as he studied my face. I guessed mine looked exasperated compared to his. This guy just wouldn't take the hint! What the hell did I have to do to get him to leave Lissa alone.

"You just won't-" I began. I was cut off when the door opened and Adrian and Lissa looked out. There expressions were both annoyed, but upon finding Dimitri and I outside they both instead looked shocked. Both glanced between us and seemed extremely anxious.

"What's going on?" Dimitri questioned in a low and serious voice. I noticed a faint Russian accent lacing his words. I hadn't noticed that before. He seemed to be glaring at Adrian and Lissa, even though he still wore a stoic expression. His gaze was just that serious.

Adrian looked guilty, and the bond was flooding with anxiousness. I had no idea what was going on, but I was determined to find out. Lissa glanced at me with concern, and Dimitri stood waiting for an answer. As the seconds ticked by it seemed increasingly possible that neither of them would give him one.

I let out a frustrated groan, "Why is everyone acting so weird?!" Every since waking up everyone seemed to be acting secretive and weird. Adrian and Lissa were both acting guilty. Dimitri acted as if he had no idea what I was going on about, and now here we all were...and they weren't answering his question.

Adrian sighed, "You asked me to help you," was all he said. His face showed sadness and guilt, he continued speaking after a moment, "You were so upset, and your aura...it was...I'd never seen it like that before. So I did what you asked me to do." He glanced away, as if looking into my eyes was too painful.

"What did you do?" I asked with trepidation. I didn't remember asking him for anything...

"I made you forget." He muttered.

At first I was about to say that I hadn't forgotten anything, but then I realised if he did make me forget something I wouldn't remember in the first place. Suddenly the searing headache and lack of memory of the previous night made sense. He'd taken away some memory I didn't want.

"Oh god," I groaned, "Did I do something horrible last night? _Oh_, please tell me I didn't kill someone."

I glanced between each of their faces. Adrian's was covered in guilt. Lissa's was still concerned. And Dimitri...he was looking at me with so much understanding and sadness that it was overwhelming. There was something else in his eyes too, an emotion which made no sense to me considering we'd just met. An emotion which oddly looked like love.

Adrian looked reluctant to speak, and he gave a sheepish glance in Dimitri's direction before focusing back on me and my question, "I made you forget Dimitri." I heard a small gasp from Dimitri, while Lissa's face looked upset. She didn't look surprised, so I assumed he'd already told her.

I glanced at Dimitri in confusion, taking all of him in once more. He was tall, but somehow managed to look graceful instead of awkward. His skin was tanned, and his shoulder length brown hair appeared soft. His dark brown eyes met mine, and there was an intensity there that I'd never seen before. Lastly, I noted his duster and recalled the Western novel he'd been reading earlier.

Suddenly Lissa's words echoed through my head; _I would never do that, especially not to you. _I hadn't paid much attention to her words. At the time I'd been too shocked at the thought of her cheating on Christian that I hadn't really paid attention to anything. I glanced between all the faces surrounding me. They all seemed to be waiting for my reaction. I just didn't know what reaction to have.

"Oh..." I finally muttered. What else was I supposed to say? Somethings, I guess, things were just better left forgotten, and if I had truly wanted to forget whatever had happened between Dimitri and I then maybe that was for the best, "Ok."

After another look at Dimitri my heart seemed to twist; he looked absolutely devestated and heartbroken. I hated seeing that look on his face, no matter what he potentially might have done to me in the past. No one deserved that kind of pain, and I could only imagine how much it would hurt to know that someone resented you so much for something that they had you removed completely from their memories.

"I'm sorry," Adrian spoke. Surprisingly it was to Dimitri and not me. I could clearly see the fear on Adrian's face. I could only guess he was afraid of getting beat up by a Guardian.

"I understand," Dimitri muttered, trying to regain his composure, "I understand." He seemed to be answering Adrian, but his eyes were locked with mine. He cleared his throat and glanced at me with a look filled with guilt and regret. I had no idea what had happened between us, but I was curious to know how I had met someone like him in the first place.

He turned abruptly and walked away, but not before I saw a single glistening tear roll down his cheek.

I felt my heart break a little as I watched his retreating figure. I was the reason for his pain. But then again, he was apparently the reason for mine.

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	4. The Sun Will Always Rise

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After Dimitri walked away Adrian offered to try and get my memories back; I told him I'd think about it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to remember what happened yet. If I'd wanted to forget everything so badly then maybe it wasn't worth remembering. Still, Dimitri's face haunted me as I finally made it back to my room. I fell onto the bed and sighed. That single tear had been horrible to witness. The look of resignaton and understanding on his face was too much to bear. I didn't know how I was supposed to fix that.

I closed my eyes tightly. I wanted to escape from my mind. I wanted a brief moment which allowed my mind peace. I knew sleep could potentially grant me that, but with sleep came the possibility for dreams, or nightmares in my case. I couldn't deal with any of that right now when my head felt like it was overcrowded with thoughts. I eventually dragged myself out of bed, knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep now anyway. I had to distract myself somehow. I needed to do something.

A knock caught my attention.

It was soft, and I doubted I would have heard it if I'd actually been doing something. I felt like I was holding my breath as I opened the door. It could have been anyone, and I wasn't ready to face Lissa yet. I didn't know what she'd done, but I'd obviously wanted to forget about that too.

Adrian stood on the other side of the door, a worried and tired expression plastered on his face. His emerald eyes looked exhausted, and his tousled hair seemed more dishelved then usual. Seeing him brought a small smile to my face.

"Little Dhampir," He smiled back, "May I come in?" I nodded and opened the door further for him. We'd been together for a while, and I was shocked to realise that things hadn't really progressed between us. I was startled to realise that there had always been some kind of barrier in the way for me. I guessed that had been Dimitri, because now there was nothing which I thought could stop me from falling in love with him. He was so good-looking, and I loved his personality. He was dedicated and loyal. I hadn't treated him good enough so far.

He dropped onto the bed with a sigh, and a second later I joined him. He looked like all his energy had been zapped away. I felt like it was my fault. It was probably a side-effect from erasing my memory. I suddenly realised what a selfish request that had been on my part. That realisation seemed to speak volumes, and informed me that the pain I had felt over Dimitri had been bad enough that I'd asked Adrian to use his spirit on me, in a way which could have a negative effect on him.

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling the grimace on my face, "For making you erase my memory..." I added after he gave me a confused look. He just shrugged and closed his eyes for a few seconds.

"It was my choice," He finally answered, his emerald eyes locking with mine, "I could have said no, but I wanted to help." I got the impression that he'd actually enjoyed Dimitri's reaction to finding out he'd been erased fro my memory. I still felt guilty over causing him pain.

"Still," I continued, "I don't like the effect spirit has on you."

"And I don't like the effect _he_ has on you..." Adrian retorted, a small smile on his face, "So I don't care what the consequences may be, as long as your happy. I can't stand seeing you upset." He fell quiet after a moment, and I realised he was falling asleep. I tried not to laugh. He looked so peaceful and cute.

"Thank you," I whispered, reaching out to hold his hand in mine. I gave it a small squeeze and leaned over to kiss his cheek. As I laid back next to him I saw a smile tug on his lips.

"No problem, Little Dhampir.." He muttered before sleep finally overtook him.

I fell asleep soon after, finding the peace I'd wanted so badly in the arms of Adrian. In that moment I no longer worried over the pain I was causing others, or the myserious pain they'd caused me...I simply enjoyed being close to Adrian, and as I fell asleep in his arms I felt a little bit of happiness grow back inside myself. It felt good.

_Dimitri's Point of View (For those who asked for it)_

I didn't deserve to be happy, I knew that. I didn't deserve to be with Rose. I knew I'd earnt the misery I was now feeling. After all the horrible things I'd done to hurt her I couldn't blame her for wanting to forget me. I would want to forget me as well. It hurt to know I'd caused her so much unbearable pain that she had to resort to erasing me from her mind.

What hurt the most was the fact that she'd elected to forget all the good times we'd had together to. Those stolen moments which had meant so much to each of us, shared during times when we both lost our self control for brief amounts of time. Those built the foundation of our relationship; those moments garenteed us a brief moment of happiness together, when we knew we could never be. I would always cherish those moments, and I hated that she wouldn't be able to.

It was because of all this misery that I did something so out of character that even I was surprised with myself. I went to a bar, and I ordered the first drink I saw on their menu. It was bitter and strong, but it was nothing compared to the substances back in Russia. I felt drink after drink burn my throat as I drank, but nothing seemed to numb the pain I was feeling.

Losing Rose had been hard enough. It had caused me so much misery that I didn't know if I would be able to survive. Now it seemed to be intensified by thousands. Because now she didn't want or love me. I wasn't even a distant, fond memory in her mind anymore; I was nothing. Our entire relationship, everything that had ever occurred between us, was gone forever. And as I drank that's all I thought about.

She was my everything, and now to her I was nothing.

Even the alcohol couldn't make me feel better, not that I expected it to. For a brief moment I thought of the absolutete nothingness that accompanied being Strigoi. For a second I could see the benefits of that. No pain. Sure, there was no happiness either, but no pain, no sadness, no heartache. It was a horrible life, filled with bloodlust and lonliness, but it was free from pain. I could see how immortaility could entice humans and even some Moroi and Dhampirs. While I still wasn't one of those people I could see how they believed it was a good thing.

I downed a few more drinks. It didn't matter. I was no longer a Guardian. Who knew if I ever would be again. I was disgraced. I was reborn. I was no longer a trusted member of society. I didn't know how much longer I could live like this, but I knew the distrust I experienced amoung the Moroi society, and even my fellow Dhampirs, would someday go away. They couldn't believe I was evil forever. I think it was just the shock of my transformation which gave them pause. They didn't believe it was possible. I didn't either half the time.

I drank one more drink and stood. My world spun slightly, but other then that I was fine. I'd have to drink a whole lot more to be truly affected. I began making my way back to the room they had finally allowd me to have. Instead I found myself at the church. I walked up the steps and found that the door was unlocked still. I entered quietly and collapsed on one of the benches in the back. Vaguely I noted that the sun was beginning to rise.

I smiled despite the pain. The sun would always rise, no matter how much darkness my world was filled with. It was something I could always count on.

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	5. Sorry For Forgetting

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When I woke up in Adrian's arms the next morning I felt happy. I'd never considered the possibility that I'd be able to be so happy with Adrian, maybe because of Dimitri...I guess I couldn't be sure of that but I figured it was the reason why. Looking at Adrian now, peaceful in sleep, I was struck by how deeply I truly cared about him. I was startled to realise that I loved him. It wasn't an all consuming love, but it was there, deep down, and I knew with certainty that it could easily blossom and grow over time.

I couldn't help but wonder about Dimitri though.

If I was only now realising my feelings for Adrian then that meant I'd been so completely in love with Dimitri that I'd never been able to love Adrian, or give him a proper choice. It was odd thinking about a love I didn't remember experiencing. Did I want to remember? I didn't know. But it felt extremely unfair to Adrian to only be with him because I'd made him take away my memories of the man I used to love.

I climbed out of bed carefully, trying not to wake Adrian.

I needed to think. I needed to clear my head. I had choices to make. I had to decide whether I could live without my memories and live a content life by Adrian's side, or if I wanted to remember the love which had been so great that my feelings for Adrian had been overshadowed and unseeable in my eyes. Had I loved Adrian before? Or had I only just grew those feelings now that Dimitri had been erased from my memory?

I slipped on a pair of shoes and left the room silently.

I had no idea where to go. But I felt like I needed to get out and go _somewhere_. I briefly considered going to talk to Lissa. I still had to apologise for accusing her of cheating on Christian, but after a quick check of the bond I found she was still sleeping. I didn't want to disturb her. Instead I decided to walk around aimlessly. Maybe she'd wake up soon and then I'd be able to go and talk to her. She was my best friend, and I needed to get her advice. She would know what I should do. I didn't remember Dimitri, but she did. She could tell me more about him.

I just had no idea if I could even get the memories back. What if I decided I wanted them, but I had no way to get them? Adrian had warned me, apparently, that he didn't know if he could get the memories back once they were gone. I had no idea what I'd want to forget so badly. I was usually a strong person. What did Dimitri do that had upset me so much that I'd erased it from my mind?

I glanced around, noticing I'd aimlessly wandered straight to the church. I wasn't a religious person, not by a long shot, but upon seeing the church I felt a small amount of comfort. I remembered the church back at St Vladimir. It hadn't been an elaborate place, and I'd never exactly liked it but I'd been able to _think_ there. It was the place where I'd discovered more about Lissa's spirit. I glanced up at the church, feeling hesitant to enter. I'd never believed in God, but if he did exist then I hoped he'd give me some kind of sign. I felt like screaming _what should I do? _

I took a deep breath and walked towards the doors. I jumped back when they opened, almost crashing into the person walking out. I was shocked to see Dimitri. Was that supposed to be a sign? I didn't know. I probably just had poor timing.

"Rose," Dimitri looked equally surprised...and also embarrased. I noticed how bad he looked. I mean, he still looked delicious, but his face showed signs of exhaustion and I could smell the lingering scent of alcohol on him. He'd been drinking, and the sheepish expression on his made told me that wasn't something he ever did.

"You don't look good," I remarked without thinking. He looked like he was going to pass out. I half expected him to fall to the ground and sleep for a week. I didn't know how much he'd drank, but I could only bet it had been a lot.

"Thank you," He gave me an amused smile, "That makes me feel a lot better." I smiled back. Even like this, exhausted and hung over, he looked amazing. I found myself once again wondering what he'd done to make me want to forget him. He seemed like he cared about me. I could see the love in his eyes. I just wanted to know what had led me to the decision to forget him.

"Are you okay?" I found myself asking. I knew he'd obviously hurt me, but I had clearly hurt him as well. I don't think anything he did could have been as cruel and upsetting as me literally getting him removed from my mind.

He gave me a small nod, "I will be." He looked at me with such longing that it broke my heart. There was such sadness in his eyes, and I didn't think all of that could have been caused by me alone.

"I'm sorry for forgetting you." I said sincerely. I still didn't know why I had, but that didn't change the fact that I did.

"It's okay," He gave me a sad smile, "I would have done the same if I were you." After a second he let out a small sigh, "I wish I could forget as well." His eyes seemed to linger on my face for what felt like an eternity before he looked away.

I wanted to ask him what had happened between us, but the haunted expression on his face told me now wasn't the time to talk about us. He clearly had a lot going on. I wasn't the only thing wrong in his life.

"But that's not all that's wrong," I added, "I can tell." It was weird, but just by looking at him I could see he was deeply upset about something. Something that wasn't me or us. He seemed haunted by something, and I could see it was eating him up inside.

His lips seemed to twitch, almost like they were reluctantly going to smile, but instead he just nodded. His expression seemed to lighten a little, like he enjoyed that I knew him so well. It was weird because despite feeling like I understood and knew him, I didn't. To me, this was only the third time I'd seen him.

"Would you like to go somewhere and talk?" I asked. It was odd suggesting this to a stranger, but I felt like I had to get to know more about him. Maybe then I could decide whether or not I wanted to remember him.

He smiled a genuine breath taking smile, "I'd like that," He replied, his faint russian accent lacing his words.

About an hour later we'd gone through six cups of coffee between us and a few cakes and pies. He'd filled me in on the miracle I'd elected to forget; Lissa restoring a Strigoi back into their previous state. He didn't go into details, but I realised I'd been the reason for the insane mission. It was weird not remembering huge chunks of my life. I would have liked to remember that.

"When I rang my family to tell them I was alive again they wouldn't speak to me," He said, his voice filled with sadness. His eyes grew watery and distant, "My mother was repulsed, thinking I was calling her to trick her. She believes I'm still a Strigoi."

"Maybe you should visit them then," I suggested, "Then you can show them you're normal again, that you can walk in the sun and sleep. They can't deny that you're alive if you're standing before then looking like you do now."

He shook his head, "They'd be terrified. They wouldn't understand." He looked hopeless.

"How did they even find out you were awakened? Didn't you say none of the Guardian's contacted them to tell them?" I thought it was horrible that they hadn't been informed. A simple phone call would have sufficed. How heartless could they truly be?

"You," He replied, "You went to Russia and you found my family. You were the one who told them." I was shocked by his words. _I went to Russia?_ Damn, why did I want to forget that? It seemed odd that everything to do with Dimitri was erased. I'd always wanted to travel.

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	6. Protecting Her Was Brave

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"Go with me." Dimitri's voice pleaded. He'd woken me from my sleep, banging on my door, and it took a while for his words to register. I tired to fight the fog of sleep as I stood in my doorway, staring at him in confusion, "To Russia."

"To Russia?" I exclaimed. We'd spent a a while together earlier that day. I rememberd him telling me his family lived in Russia. I realised suddenly that he wanted me to go and talk to his family with him, "That's..." I couldn't finish. I didn't know what to say.

"Crazy?" He supplied, a small smile on his face, "I know, trust me. But I need you. You're the only one they'll believe. You need to come with me." His face portrayed the hope he was feeling. I was still, however, completely lost for words. How could I go to Russia? _Russia_! I had to stay at the court with Lissa! I couldn't just leave for something like this.

I had to say no, I knew that, but when I looked into his eyes they were filled with so much hope. I didn't know if I could take that away from him. His family was one of the most important things to him. How could I deny him the chance to reconnect with them? I didn't know what would happen if Dimitri travelled to see his family on his own. Would they reget him out of fear? I couldn't begin to comprehend how much that would hurt him. He had already lost so much.

I let out a sigh, "I'll think about it." I heard myself say. I owed it to him to at least think about it.

* * *

I found myself banging on Lissa's door after my encounter with Dimitri. I needed to talk to someone, and despite everything that had occured between Lissa and I that I couldn't remember she was still my best friend, and I needed her opinion on this.

She opened the door after a few minutes passed. I felt only temporary guilt about waking her from her sleep. She regarded me with surprise and caution. She obviously hadn't expected me to show up at her room in the middle of the night. Rose Hathaway was just full of surprises.

"Rose," She said my name as if she was imagining my presence. She shook her head after asecond, "Come in."

I entered the room and she closed the door behind us.

I turned and looked at her. We stood for a moment, each looking at each other warily. I still didn't know what Lissa had done. Did it matter? Not right now. Would it matter if I got my memory back? Most liely it would. I could live with that though. Right now I didn't need drama, I needed my best friend.

"Dimitri wants me to go to Russia with him," I blurted out. I didn't have the energy or patience to tell her the entire story. I felt her shock through the bond. She had definitely not expect this when she'd been pulled from her sleep by her slightly crazed best friend.

"What?" That seemed to wake her up.

"Russia!" I exclaimed as if she hadn't asked for clarification, "How can I go to Russia!?" I knew I was starting to sound slightly hysterical but I honestly just couldn't help it. I was reckless, yes, but I didn't randomly travel half way across the world with a man I didn't remember knowing to inform his family that their once awakened son was now back to his regular Dhampir self.

I longed to have a simple life, like most teenagers my age had. All they worried about was what clothes they could wear to impress their crush. I was worrying about travelling to Russia for a man I'd once loved but now had no recollection of. Oh boy, my life definitely was exciting.

Through the bond I knew Lissa had just realised why he'd asked me to go. I was startled to realise that she'd been there when he'd made the phone call home. It was before my memory had been erased, because I could sense her anxiety in the memory...and it was over me. She regarded me with concern for a moment.

"I think you should go," She finally said softly. I was taken aback by her words. I'd come here for her opinion, but I'd expected her to act shocked by his proposal and demand that I not go. It was Russia! How could I go there! Lissa seemed to sense my outrage, "It's his family Rose." Her voice was so soft and full of understanding, "He needs them. They need him. He needs you."

I sagged a little. I knew she was right. Damn. I didn't like it but I had to help him! I couldn't say no and let his family continue living with the grief of their lose. I couldn't even consider letting his family, his mother and sisters, his friends, thinking he was dead. That would make me no better then the Strigoi who walked the earth. I couldn't stand the thought of that.

"Fine," I sighed.

Lissa seemed to perk up suddenly, "And Adrian and I will come with you!" She was basically squelling, "We can meet the spirit user and her shadow-kissed partner you met when you went to Russia last time!" I could feel her excitement through the bond.

"Mark and Okasana," I said, surprised when the memory of them came to mind, "I remember them." I guessed I was only remembering them because Dimitri hadn't been in these memories at all. I remembered the lady helping me reach Lissa, to save her from Avery. God, everything seemed like it had happened a lifetime ago. It was hard to believe that not much time had passed at all.

Lissa looked slightly shocked, "I thought you didn't remember anything even remotely related to Dimitri." I just shrugged, feeling a little less shocked then before. Now I was just confused. I certaintly hadn't remembered any of my trip to Russia before, but now their faces were stuck in my head. _Mark and Okasana._

I shared the smile she gave me. Hers was filled with excitement over the probability of an adventure. Mine was filled with dread. What if my memories were returning? I didn't like the thought of that.

**_Dimitri's Point of view_**

Lissa was the one to find me and tell me that we were all going to Russia. The three of us, plus Adrian and Christian. I wasn't thrilled with the idea of going with anyone but Rose...I wanted her to get to know me again. But this was the only way and I knew that.

We left late, or early, depending how you looked at it.

The sun was rising as we climbed onto one of the courts small planes. Adrian had obviously pulled a few strings. I wasn't impressed by his display of wealth and connections, but everyone else seemed to regard him as some kind of hero. I didn't see why, but I didn't make any comments.

As the plane took off I sat in the empty seat beside Rose.

She glanced at me, a look of terror in her eyes. I didn't know why she'd look scared. I couldn't even imagine what could faze her...my Roza. In an instant that terror was overcome with confidence and that incredulous look Rose always seemed to maintain. She looked ready to take on anything.

"Thank you," I said, keeping my voice low, "This is a very generous thing you're doing." I couldn't even begin to describe how grateful I was.

"I know," She smirked. Her face suddenly paled a little and the smirk she'd given me a moment ago faltered, but she glanced away before I could be sure if that's what I had even seen.

**_Rose's POV_**

Dimitri walked back to where I sat, trading places with the Guardian next to me. I pointedly turned away, staring out the window absentmindedly.

Several moments of silence passed. Finally, he said, "Were you really going to attack all of us?"

I didn't answer.

"Doing that...protecting her like that-it was very brave." He paused, "_Stupid_, but still brave. Why did you even try it?"

I glanced over at him, brushing the hair out of my face so I could look him levelly in the eye-

I let out a gasp, frantically taking in my surroundings. I was on the plane still, obviously. What the hell had that been? Was it a memory? "No." I answered outloud. It was impossible. Adrian had taken them away. I glanced around once more. Everyone seemed to be sleeping. Most of the lights were off, and the ones that were on were dimmed, making it difficult but not impossible to see.

I thought back over my strange dream, because that's what it had to be...a dream, not a memory.

I was _not_ remembering.

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	7. She's Remembering!

**Authors Note: I'm actually really enjoying writing the memories! It's kind of fun! :D I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! :D**

_Rose's Point of View_

Due to the fact that Russia was so far away we were warned we'd have to stop a few times. Our first stop was an airport in Colorado. We were brought food and drinks while we waited, and it felt like hours had passed before we were eventually in the air again. This time, instead of the Russia God sitting next to me Adrian sat down.

"Hey Little Dhampir," He smirked. I could immediately smell alcohol on his breath, "You're looking good today." I tried my hardest to look serious and not laugh at him

"Thanks, so do you," I grinned, "And you smell great by the way. My eye lids are about to peel off."

He plastered a fake hurt expression on his face, "Are you, Rosemarie Hathaway, suggesting that I, Adrian Ivashkov, has had too much to drink? I'm appalled by your insinuation." I laughed out loud at this. He was always so carefree. I loved that about him. I admired the way didn't care what others thought. Sure, I wished he'd quit smoking and drinking, but at the end of the day I knew he wouldn't. It was a part of him. Just like my shadow-kissed aura was apart of me. Plus, he used those things mostly as a coping mechanism. I couldn't fault him for wanting to escape from the effects of spirit.

I laughed, glancing out the window briefly. The sun was still high in the sky and we were due to make another stop soon. I wanted to hurry up and get this trip over with, but I knew it wasn't going to be an overnight trip. Dimitri needed time with his family. Lissa and Adrian wanted time with Mark and Okasana. It seemed like there was only Christian and I who were just going because other people had asked us to.

"I just wanted to relax a little," Adrian smiled, leaning back against the chair. It took a moment for me to realise that he was referring to the alcohol he'd consumed. I knew because of us and the situation with Dimitri he was feeling on edge. I guessed he was worried I'd want my memories back and no longer want him. I couldn't imagine that happening, but it was possible. I had no idea how much I had loved Dimitri because. It was weird thinking I'd forgotten a whole chapter of my life.

"I wish I could relax," I whispered, returning his smile, "I don't know what to expect once I get to Russia. I apparently met his family before. I don't know how much I got to know them." I literally had no recollection about Dimitri or his family. All I had was the flash of memories I'd got of Mark and Okasana, and the dream of Dimitri which I was hoping was just a dream and nothing else.

"How is the memory thing going?" He asked, concern on his face. I could sense that he felt guilty for taking the memories away, even though I had asked him to. It wasn't something he'd wanted to do. Had I forced him into it?

"I don't know," I replied honestly, "I got a flash before, of Mark and Okasana. I didn't remember them before, but now I do."

Adrian nodded, "I don't know if taking away your memories is permanent. I've never done it before. I probably just temporarily cut off your access to them. It's possible they'll come back. You have to be prepared for that." His eyes gazed at me, intense and attempting to see if I could understand what he was talking about.

I sighed, "I had a dream as well." I glanced away, feeling guilty, "Of Dimitri," I clarified, "I think it was just a dream, not a memory, but I guess I can't be sure." I felt a flush of red crept upon my face. I didn't know exactly why I felt guilty. Maybe because dreaming of another man while being with Adrian felt like I was being dishonest or something.

He just nodded, "It's okay, you know."

I gave him a confused look.

"I can see your aura. There's colours which represent guilt, and you shouldn't feel guilty. You loved him, I know that. So if you want him in the end you'll always have my friendship." Adrian let out a deep breath. It seemed to pain him to say it, but I appreciated it.

"Thank you," I answered. My voice conveyed how much I appreciated what he was saying. I held his hand, giving it a squeeze. I didn't know what I'd do without his friendship. All I knew was that I valued it so much, and I couldn't even comprehend losing. Since meeting Adrian I'd gotten to know him, and underneath all his flirting and innuendoes he was genuinely a nice guy.

"I know we're together now," He said, letting out a groan before he continued, "And I can't believe I'm about to say this..." He let out a sigh, his emerald eyes looking sad, "But I think we should just be friends. If you get your memory back and still want to be with me, then we'll talk. If not, then I think this is for the best."

I was shocked.

For a few seconds I couldn't respond. I didn't even know how to, or what to say. But I began to see that this was the best solution for us. This way I wasn't breaking up with him for someone else. This was us being friends, to see what the future would hold for us. I knew it was the reasonable thing to do.

"Okay," I sighed, feeling upset. I'd gotten used to the idea of being with Adrian, and I felt like I was falling in love with him. But I had a bad feeling that my memories were returning, and if I ended up loving Dimitri again then I couldn't stand the thought of hurting . I was already hurting him enough.

Adrian stood, giving me one last smile before returning to his seat.

I sighed, turning to look out the window.

This trip was going to be long and awkward, I could tell that already.

I'd always feel uncomfortable if I were around Dimitri and Adrian at the same time, and there was still some awkwardness between Lissa and I. Despite the fact that I couldn't remember what had happened, Lissa did; She still felt guilty about everything that happened, and that guilt made it hard for her to even talk to me most of the time.

I glanced down the aisle of the plane. Lissa was sleeping, leaning her head against Christians shoulder. I felt a small smile creep onto my face. I liked seeing how happy they were together. It was always nice seeing two people with such a strong connection. It was almost like they had their own bond between them. I just wished I could find a love like that one day.

I closed my eyes, trying to let the gentle vibrations of the plane to lull me to sleep. I prayed it would be dreamless, and hopefully memory free. I didn't think I wanted to remember anything else. I suddenly couldn't wait to get to Russia. At least then it would eventually be over and we could all return to the court.

* * *

A dream folded out in front of me.

I knew instantly it wasn't spirit induced. It felt like me, not Adrian.

I also knew it was mine because I was scared. I could feel the fear pumping through my veins, and it terrified me. I knew I was running from someone, I just wasn't sure who. My dream didn't seem to want me to know. I began to run, and I noticed my ankle was throbbing. Of course I had no idea why.

After running for a minute I was startled to realise I was stuck in a maze, a maze made completely out of hedges. I couldn't see where I was going, I just ran. I ran from whatever was behind me. I knew if I stopped my life would be over. I just had to keep running.

I spun around frantically, trying to decide which way I should go. I felt nauseous. I felt afraid. I just wanted to get away, I wanted to get to safety and I wanted to live.

Suddenly I broke free from the maze. I let out a groan when I saw city lights miles and miles away. They seemed like a speck on the horizon; impossible to reach. I took a deep breath and began running. The fear still coursed through my entire body, and it only got worse. I could feel that I was being followed. I could hear gentle footsteps behind me. I knew I didn't have long left.

"Rose?" A soft voice whispered. I spun around frantically, trying to locate the sound of the voice, "Rose?" I heard it again, "Wake up."

I blinked open my eyes.

Everyone seemed to be looking at me in concern. Lissa was sitting in the seat beside me while Adrian, Christian and Dimitri stood around her. I felt a little self consious waking up and seeing them all watching me. Consiously I rubbed around my mouth. Thankfully there was no drool.

"What?" I asked, my voice still sounding groggy from sleep.

"You were talking in your sleep." Adrian stated, his eyes not leaving mine.

"Oh," I let out a small laugh, "Sorry, I was having a weird dream."

"What about?" Lissa questioned. She looked concerned still. Everyone seemed to be watching me, like they were studying me. I had a weird feeling they'd been talking about me while I was sleeping.

"I was being chased," I said, curious to know why they were so interested. They all seemed to visibly relax, "Through a maze I think," I added, "It was just weird."

Dimitri looked...shocked I think. It was the only way to describe it, and Lissa wore the same expression on her face. Adrian and Christian didn't seemed overly interested. They both kind of drifted away after making sure I was okay. Dimitri just continued staring at me, an odd expression on his face. I didn't even think he was paying attention to anyone else.

"Dimitri," Lissa said, finally getting his attention, "Uh...Can I talk to you for a minute."

He just gave her a small nod.

She stood and led him away, glancing back at me with concern. Dimitri's eyes didn't leave mine until he sat down. I let out a breath. I was curious to know why Lissa wanted to talk to him. I'd been reluctant to enter Lissa's mind lately, and I didn't want to do that now. But I decided to anyway.

I focused on the bond, and just like all the other times I felt myself slowly enter Lissa's mind.

Through her mind Dimitri looked as if he was completely lost in his own world.

"She's remembering," He muttered. His face looked pale. I suddenly realised that my dream had probably been another memory. Great, now he knew I was remembering.

"It looks like it," Lissa said, equally as shocked, "The maze, that was in Russia, right?" Lissa asked cautiously. She was thinking about how Russia was a touchy subject for him. I didn't even know why, besides the fact that his family was there. He'd told me that was where he'd gone when he'd been awakened, maybe he had bad memories there.

"Yes," He muttered.

"That was the night she..." Lissa cut off after seeing the pained expression on Dimitri's face. He seemed to know where she was going anyway, because he nodded.

"Yes," He said again, finally looking at Lissa.

"You don't look happy that she's remembering things," Lissa noted. She was surprised that he wouldn't want me remembering. I, however, knew why he wouldn't. Some memories were better left forgotten.

"She's remembering the wrong things," Dimitri answered, "She's remembering the bad. I need her to remember the good first." Lissa was confused, but I undertood his logic. If he loved me and wanted to be with me then he wouldn't want the bad memories to ruin his chances before I got the good ones back. I just didn't know if I wanted any of them.

"We don't even know if she's remembered anything else," Lissa remarked, "She thinks that memory was a dream." I felt myself huff back in my own body. It didn't seem like they were going to inform me that I'd remembered something else. Fine, then I wouldn't tell them what else I was remembering.

"She remembers Mark and Okasana," He stated, "And now she's remembered the maze. Obviously not enough to know what happened, but she's remembering."

He glanced at Lissa again, a look of hopefulness and determination replacing the confusion.

"She's remembering," He said again, a small smile creeping onto his face.

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	8. Do You Think I'm Pretty?

**Author's Note: This next chapter is being written on my brand new computer! :D YAY! It's all pretty and new! Enjooooooooy! :D**

_Rose's Point of View_

We stopped in Alaska next. We were being delayed because of some snow. They apparently had to wait until it was safe to fly again. I just hoped it was before the sun went down. We didn't need the additional stress of worrying about Strigoi. I let out a sigh. I'd elected to stay on the place, mostly to avoid everyone; though it looked like they had stayed too. We had food, drinks and a bathroom to use, so I guess there was really no point leaving.

I glanced around, noting that Adrian was asleep. Lissa and Christian were deep in conversation, both laughing and smiling goofily at each other, and Dimitri sat alone, reading an old western novel. I smiled at that, though I didn't know why. It's not like it was something we had in common or anything. Personally though, I could see the allure of all those hot cowboys...although I doubted Dimitri was reading it because of that.

I let out a deep breath, glancing out the window.

When I turned back I was startled to realise my surroundings had changed. I could faintly hear Lissa and Christian talking. I could feel the seat beneath me...but I wasn't there. I sat in the gym back at, and my hands sat in Dimitri's. He'd bandaged them but was still holding them. I wasn't sure if he noticed. I certainly did. His were warm and large, with long and graceful fingers. Fingers which might have played the piano in another life.

I heard my voice, felt my feelings, kind of like the way I experienced Lissa's feelings while I was inside her head. I could feel my mood darkening as I thought of the rumours about Jesse. I looked down, away from Dimitri's eyes, "I know you heard what people are saying, that I-"

"I know it's not true," he interrupted.

His immediate, certain answer surprised me, and I stupidly heard my voice again, questioning it. "Yeah, but how do you-"

He cut me off again, "Because I know you." He said this firmly, "I know your character. I know you're going to be a great guardian."

A warm feeling formed inside me at his confidence. "I'm glad someone does. Everyone else thinks I'm totally irresponsible."

"With the way you worry more about Lissa then yourself..." He shook his head. "No. You understand your responsibilities better than guardians twice your age. You'll do what you have to do to succeed."

I thought about that, or past me did anyway while I intrusively watch the scene folding out in front of me. "I don't know if I can do everything I have to do."

He did that cool one-eyebrow thing. I'd always wanted to learn how to do that.

"I don't want to cut my hair." I heard myself elaborate. It was one thing I'd always worried about, but I'd never told anyone about it. It seemed superficial and vain worrying about my hair.

He glanced at me, puzzled, "You don't have to cut your hair. It's not required."

"All the other guardian women do. They show off their tattoos." My voice replied. I was shocked to see how...connected I seemed to be to Dimitri. It was like I trusted him as much as I trusted Lissa. I was confiding in him. I didn't do that very often.

Unexpectedly, he released my hands and leaned forward. Slowly, he reached out and held a lock of my hair, twisting it around one finger thoughtfully. I froze, both present and past me, and for a moment there was nothing going on in the world except him touching my hair. Suddenly he let go, looking a little surprised and embarrassed at what he'd just done.

"Don't cut it," he said gruffly.

Somehow, past me remembered how to talk again. "But no one'll see my tattoos if I don't."

He moved towards the doorway, a small smile playing over his lips. "Wear it up."

Suddenly he disappeared, and the gym around me did as well.

I cleared my throat, feeling effected by the memory. I'd loved him, even then. I could feel it in the memory. He had affected me more than any guy ever had. With him I felt a link, a connection...and it was...weird. I noticed suddenly that Dimitri was standing in the aisle next to me, an odd expression on his face. I realised suddenly that he'd probably been trying to talk to me.

"Uh," I shook my head, trying to rattle the memory away, "Sorry, I was...lost in thought."

He gave me a small, suspicious smile, "I asked if you wanted a drink."

"Yes, please," I attempted to smile back. I felt guilty for some reason, like I'd been caught doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing.

* * *

Dimitri returned with a coke for me and a glass of water for himself. He sat in the seat beside me, and my heart started beating a little faster recalling the way he'd made me feel in the memory. I tried to breathe without making it obvious. How could he have this effect on me now when just a few hours ago I'd been fine?

Ignorance is bliss. After discovering just how much I'd loved and connected to Dimitri before...well now I felt awkward being around him. I had no idea what had happened between us. I didn't know how far things went, or how many people knew about us; suddenly I was struck by the absurdity of erasing my memory. It might've take away the pain...but it just left me confused and completely unaware of everything that had occurred between us.

"So," Dimitri finally broke the silence which had quickly mounted between us, "How much have you remembered?" He gave me a knowing look when I went to deny knowing anything.

I let out a sigh, "A few things. Scattered memories." I didn't want to discuss this yet. I needed to remember more. What if something terrible had happened? I didn't want to talk to him now, and like him - or worse, love him - and then get my heart broken all over again when I remembered whatever it was he did.

"Like what?" He pried. He seemed genuinely concerned.

"A plane ride," I provided, "The maze; and a conversation about my hair." I shrugged, as if these memories were insignificant somehow. Truthfully my mind was reeling. They were each so different. I didn't know when they had happened, I just know they did; and Dimitri had been in each of them. That meant the person chasing me through the maze had been him.

Dimitri sighed, a small smile tugging on his lips, "I remember that conversation." His voice was low, and his Russian accent faintly coated his words. I felt my heart rate increase once again. Four words, so simple, yet when he said them they held so much raw emotion that it was...just wow. His eyes locked with mine, and once again I could see the depths of his love for me.

"I'm jealous, you know." Dimitri continued; his voice low and husky. He leaned closer to me, "I wish I could forget everything that happened between us like you did." I was a little surprised, and oddly offended, at his words. I knew he'd done something bad, and I knew I'd erased him from my mind, but it hurt thinking he'd want the same. I still couldn't believe I'd actually done that.

"Why?" I found myself questioning. I was sure I didn't want to know, but I asked before my mind could register the words leaving my mouth.

"Because," He smiled, keeping his voice low, "Then I could fall in love with you all over again." My heat seemed to lurch. I was lost for words. I felt like if he just reached over and touched me; my whole body would explode from the tension building between us.

I turned away, feeling a blush creep upon my face. This guy was…intense. I didn't know whether that was a good or bad thing yet.

* * *

I think we were all relieved when we finally landed in . We still had to travel some more though, but it was good to finally get out of the plane and be able to move again. Lissa kept casting me worried looks, like she thought I'd drop to the ground any second. Everyone seemed tense, actually. Even Adrian, who usually had a carefree attitude about everything, kept glancing at me like I was a bomb waiting to explode.

I almost scoffed when I realised they were waiting for me to remember everything and fall apart. I'd clearly fallen apart when whatever happened occurred, and now they thought I'd fall apart all over again. I thought I was stronger than that; when I remembered I would be fine, even if I had to fake it. And if worse comes to worse, Adrian could always just take away the memories all over again; he could keep doing that forever...then I'd never have to remember a thing.

We were walking to the train station.

Dimitri was pointing out building after building and we all got wrapped up in the beauty of it all. The architecture here was so amazing and colourful. Buildings were like works of art, and I could have looked at them all day.

"They're pretty." I smiled, stopping next to Dimitri.

"No," he looked utterly serious, "They're beautiful."

Something about the way he said that sounded so familiar. I glanced at him in confusion, and suddenly, like on the plane, everything and everyone around me disappeared. Everyone except Dimitri.

He was suddenly closer to me. One of his hands moved up the back of my neck, twining his fingers in my hair and tipping my face up to his. He brought his lips down, barely brushing them against mine.

I felt myself swallow, and then my voice spoke, sounding distant to my ears, "Do you think I'm pretty."

He regarded me with the utterly serious expression I'd seen on him moments ago, "I think you're beautiful."

"Beautiful?" My voice questioned, sounding small.

"You are so beautiful, it hurts me sometimes." He replied. His lips moved to mine, gentle at first, like the kiss on the plane. The kiss turned hard and hungry. His hands on my arms slid down, down to my hips, all the way down to the edge of my dress. His strong hands gathered the fabric and began to push it up my legs. I felt myself tremble; melting into his touch, into his kiss and the way it seemed to burn against my mouth. His hands kept sliding up and up, until he'd pulled the dress over my head and tossed it on the floor.

"You...you got rid of that dress fast," I said between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it."

"I do like it." His voice replied, husky; his breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it."

The memory faded, leaving me gaping and red-faced in front of the buildings in . I couldn't believe what I'd just seen, or experienced...remembered. As far as I knew I was a virgin; did I have sex with Dimitri? I felt embarrassment was over me as Dimitri noted my expression.

"The lust charm?" He questioned, eye-brows raised in amusement.

I flushed. Did he really know me that well? Or had I been reciting the lines of the memory along with my past self. I gave a curt nod before quickly turning away. I couldn't even meet his gaze now after seeing that memory.

"How far did...it go?" I questioned, not meeting his eyes.

"Not far." He answered. I could hear a smile in his voice.

"Did we...ever?" I forced myself to ask. I had to know.

"Yes." He replied, "Once."

Once. That was odd. If I'd loved him so much, and if he'd felt the same way about me, then why was it only once? Maybe it had been horrible...horrible enough that I wanted to forget him and everything that had ever happened between us. I almost asked why, but then I realised I so didn't want to know. I'd had sex! I had sex with a Russian god and I had no recollection of it.

**Revieeeeeeeew and let me know whether you enjoyed this chapter! You're reviews all make me so happy!**


	9. A Love to Live For

**Author's Note: OMG! I've now got 106 reviews! :D How exciting! I think this story has the highest reviews I've ever gotten! Ohhhh; you guys are amazing! :D Enjoy this next chapter in celebration of 100+ reviews!**

_Rose's POV_

I leaned my head back, resting it on train seat behind me. Thanks to Adrian we had first class accommodations, and despite the room being small I couldn't really complain. It had a nice feel to it, and Lissa and I got to share it. Adrian and Christian were also sharing a room, while Dimitri had elected to remain alone. My mind kept reminding me of the latest memory I'd regained. The lust charm. After the memory had resurfaced, the events around it had as well. I just couldn't believe a lust charm could have such a strong effect on two people, and I also couldn't believe Dimitri had been able to stop long enough to realise something was wrong. He had so much control.

Lissa flicked through the channels on the TV, letting out a sigh of frustration, "It's all in Russia!" She exclaimed, a look of disappointment and boredom on her face. I let out a laugh. Things were still strained between us, and I didn't like it, but I supposed Lissa had to get over whatever had happened in her own time.

"Probably because we're in Russia," I pointed out helpfully. She stuck her tongue out at me and laughed. Through the bond I could tell she wanted to go and spend time with Christian, but she didn't want to leave me alone, and deep down she was just glad to be spending time with me again. I was grateful for her concern, but I didn't need a babysitter. Then again, I did miss spending time with her too. We were best friends and I felt like we barely talked anymore.

Lissa went back to flicking through channels. I sighed and glanced out the window, watching as Russia sped past us in a blur of colour. I wished I could just slow down for a while and actually enjoy being in such a beautiful place. I understood that Dimitri just wanted to get to his hometown and see his family though, so I couldn't exactly complain.

"So," Lissa started; her voice sounded cautious, "Have you been getting many memories back?"

I shrugged, "A few random ones so far." My mind was still lingering on the last one I'd had. I still couldn't quite manage to get the thought of Dimitri out of my mind since then. All I could think about whenever I looked at him now was how great it had felt being so close to him, kissing him. He was like a Russian sex god.

"Like what?" Her voice contained a bit of excitement. She clicked the TV off, watching me in anticipation. I guessed she'd decided she wasn't going to find anything good to watch today and was therefore using me and my memories as her own personal source of entertainment. I couldn't blame her for that. I'd do exactly the same thing if I were her.

"The most recent one was actually about the lust charm Victor put in that necklace," I replied. A flicker of sadness crossed her face as she remembered Victor; the way he'd tortured her still haunted her nightmares, "Thank god that creep is locked far away." I added, trying to ease her fear.

Oddly, this made it worse, "You don't remember…" She said in a quiet voice. I glanced at her in concern.

"Don't remember what?" I asked. I felt her panic through the bond. Even thinking of him still had the ability to scare her. I had no idea what was going on, or what memory I'd forgotten now, but I knew this would be one memory I wouldn't want to remember.

"Victor isn't in prison anymore Rose," She answered.

I felt anger fill me, "You mean those _idiot_ Royals decided to let him out? Are they insane! He tried to kill you!" I suddenly knew why Lissa was so afraid. That creep was out walking free in the world. He had the potential to hurt her again.

"No," Lissa shook her head, "We helped him escape Rose."

Confusion replaced my anger as soon as the words left her mouth, "What? No." I shook my head, "No, we'd never do that. Why would either of us want to help him after everything he did to you? There's no way." I could feel through the bond that Lissa wasn't lying, yet I refused to believe that I'd been part in any plan which led to Victor Dashkov being a free man. He deserved to rot in prison.

Lissa let out a small sigh, "He's half-brother Robert knew how to restore Strigoi to their original form. We needed Victor so we could find Robert."

Her words suddenly sunk in, "So we could save Dimitri…"

Dimitri had told me he'd been Strigoi and that Lissa had saved him. I never knew I'd been involved with it as well. Though I guessed it did make sense. Lissa was my best friend and I had once loved Dimitri. Of course I would have been a part of it.

"Yes," Lissa nodded. She paused, looking like she was thinking about what she was going to say next, "After…I saved him," She said, "He was…having difficulties, I guess, forgiving himself for everything he did while he was Strigoi."

I nodded, "Of course. Anyone would have trouble with that."

She paused for another few seconds, "The reason you were angry with me was because I stopped you from seeing him. He was a mess, and he didn't want to see you, but I should have let you anyway. After everything you did to save him, you deserved that."

"Why didn't he want to see me?" I asked, genuinely curious, "I understand he was upset about everything, but if he loved me as much as everyone says he did then I don't understand why he wouldn't."

Lissa looked worried. After a few seconds she let out a groan, "Oh, I totally shouldn't be the one to tell you this. You should talk to Dimitri about it."

I shook my head instantly, "No. Please, Liss, just tell me."

She looked torn for a few minutes as she contemplated whether she should tell me or not, "You went to find him, to kill him." She finally said, "But he took you instead; he hurt you. And he was going to awaken you, but she managed to escape. I don't think he will ever be able to forgive himself for that. I can see how much it torments him."

I sat there, shocked. I never expected that. I guess I should have. I was always doing reckless things. But hunting down my Strigoi ex-lover to kill him and free him from a life as an evil undead creature? Even I didn't think I'd do that. Not for anybody.

It suddenly hit me just how much I must have loved him.

I literally travelled across the world for him.

"Wow," I finally muttered. I felt like I was in shock.

_Dimitri's POV_

I could feel the train's vibrations as I lay in my room, trying to sleep. I couldn't though. For the first time in my life I was too stuck in my head to fall asleep. I couldn't stop thinking about Rose, and how she was remembering! It was a miracle.

I knew that meant she would most likely retain all the lost memories, but I couldn't help but be glad that she would at least remember the good times as well. Hopefully then she would be able to see that we were destined to be together.

It sounded cheesy, I knew that, but it felt like the most honest thing in the world. My Roza was the only woman for me. She was everything I could hope for, and I wanted to share our lives for the rest of time. I wanted to grow old with her. I wanted to be able to call her Rosemarie Belikov one day. I knew children were impossible for us to have, but I dreamed of that too.

I wanted to have everything with her.

No one else.

She would always be the only one for me. Without her I would spend my life alone. To be without her would only be made worse if I attempted to love someone else. No one could ever be her. No one would ever be able to replace her in my heart or my mind. We were connected in a way I'd only ever read about in books.

This wasn't a love to die for…it was a love to live for.

**I would have updated sooner, but I haven't been feeling well! So I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I shall update again soon! :D REVIEW!**


	10. If I Let Myself Love You

**Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed/read this story! You guys are seriously amazing! I love every single review I get! Enjoy this chapter; and review! :D**

_Rose's POV_

During the night we slept like all the other humans on the train. We needed to blend in, and also adjust to a human schedule since we were officially going to be living like one for as long as we were in Russia. Over dinner, Dimitri told us a little about the town where his family lived. Baia. The name sounded familiar; but I guessed that was because I'd apparently been there.

When the sun began to rise we did too, reluctantly.

I had my breakfast delivered to the room. I didn't want to deal with everyone, especially so early in the morning. I realised this was very anti-social of my, but I couldn't seem to care. Just the thought of sitting around, trying to act normal, with Dimitri and Adrian around was more than I could handle. Plus every seemed to regard me as some kind of science experiment lately, and I didn't like it.

I ordered scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, sausages and orange juice, and ate them while watching some Russia television program. Since I couldn't follow the dialect I just made up my own. It was probably more interesting anyway. Through the bond I could feel that Lissa was enjoying some time with Christian and everyone else at breakfast. Although she was beginning to worry about me, since I'd been avoiding everyone as much as I possibly could.

Finally she decided to come and spend time with me, _but_ she decided to bring everyone else with her. I could basically hear her saying '_Ha-ha, take that' _as she thwarted my evil, anti-social plans. I quickly evacuated the room, heading in the opposite direction of where they were for breakfast before they could reach the room. I almost felt guilty, but then I just had to remind myself of Adrian and Dimitri, and suddenly all the guilt would go away.

I knew I'd have to return to our room eventually. The train would be stopping soon, and sadly we had to get off. Then I'd be crammed inside a car with everyone until we got to Dimitri's house. Hopefully I could get my own hotel room for the night. Lissa and Christian would obviously share one, and Adrian would have one of his own. Dimitri would most likely stay with his family. At least I'd get a small break from dealing with him.

I found a bar, and since the sun was up I decided it wouldn't be horrific if I got myself one drink. There was no threat of a Strigoi attack in the daylight, and one drink wouldn't affect me that much anyway, so Lissa wouldn't be in danger.

I tapped the counter twice with my palm, "A martini please barkeep, _shaken_, not stirred." I smirked; James Bond had ordered the same in one of his movies, but I knew I was more badass then he had ever been. Did he ever stake a Strigoi? _No_.

The bartender smiled, sliding my drink over to me. It was even in a fancy glass, just like in the movies. I took a sip, waiting for the liquid to flow down my throat. It was good. It probably wasn't the nicest tasting alcohol I'd ever had, but it was still good.

I downed the drink quickly. Suddenly the world around me seemed to tilt and my head felt foggy. It was weird; I'd only had one drink. I was startled to realise I was on the floor, and as I looked around I realised why I'd felt so weird. I was in a memory.

And I was staring up at Natalie.

Her red-rimmed eyes bore into mine. Hers were filled with hunger; hunger for blood. I'd talked to her, I realised. I'd hesitated. Just as Dimitri had warned.

And then, suddenly, he was there, charging down the hallway like Death in a cowboy duster. Before I could register what had happened they were locked in a battle. I watched on with an eerie fascination. She was clearly stronger, but he was far more skilled, and soon his silver stake flashed in his hand like a streak of lightening, burying itself into her heart.

In a moment, he was leaning over me, slipping his arms under my body and then he was carrying me. I was startled to realise this was the second time he'd carried me like this, both times I was injured.

"Hey, Comrade," I heard my voice murmur to him. I sounded sleepy, and that seemed to worry him, "You were right about Strigoi," My world darkened and my eyelids drooped.

"Rose. Roza. Open your eyes." Past me was thinking that she'd, _or I_, had never heard his voice so strained and frantic. "Don't go to sleep on me. Not yet." He begged.

I squinted up at him as he practically ran towards the clinic, "Was he right?" my voice was low, but he could hear me still.

"Who?" He questioned.

"Victor…" I began, "He said it couldn't have worked. The necklace." I could hear my voice drifting off once more.

"What do you mean?" Dimitri asked. I thought it was his attempt to make sure past me stayed awake. I could practically feel his panic.

"The spell. Victor said you had to want me…to care about me…for it to work." I replied, my voice sounded sleepy. I felt myself reach out, trying to grip his shirt, but my fingers were too weak, "Did you?" I asked, "Did you want me?"

His reply came out thickly. "Yes, Roza. I did want you. I still do. I wish…we could be together." I felt my own heart constrict when he spoke.

"Then why did you lie to me?" My voice questioned him.

He began yelling g for help and I realised we'd entered to clinic.

"Why did you lie?" I murmured again.

He still held me in his arms, and he looked down at me. I could hear footsteps getting closer, and voices were getting louder.

"Because we can't be together." He answered.

"Because of the age thing, right?" I could feel how upset I was, "Because you're my mentor?"

"That's part of it," He said as he wiped away a tear that had escaped down my cheek, "But also…well, you and I will both be Lissa's guardians someday. I need to protect her at all costs. If a pack of Strigoi come, I need to throw my body between them and her."

"I know that. Of course that's what you have to do." My groggy voice replied, trying to fight away the black sparkles which were dancing in front of my eyes.

"No. If I let myself love you, I won't throw myself in front of her. I'll throw myself in front of you."

The memory faded away, replaced by the bar I'd been sitting at before.

I felt tears pooling in my eyes though I didn't know why. I knew all that had actually happened to me, but I didn't remember most of the things which had occurred between Dimitri and I. How could I get so upset over one stupid memory when I was missing hundreds more?

Even as I thought that my mind kept returning to his last words, so filled with emotion. We'd been kept apart because we were both going to be Lissa's guardians. I couldn't believe I'd never considered that fact. Lissa needed to be protected no matter what, and that meant Dimitri had to devote his time to her, not me.

I wiped away a tear that had managed to escape.

"Are you okay?" The bartender asked, stopping in front of me.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine." It was a lie, but what was I supposed to tell him? The guy who might be the love of my life can't be with me because we're both Dhampirs who have sworn to protect a Moroi princess against the evil, immortal Strigoi?

"Another martini please." I managed a smile.

For the first time I was beginning to realise how much Dimitri and I had loved each other…but along with that realisation came the fact that being together would always be so impossible for us. Even if I got my memories back, how could we ever be together when all the forces in the universe were so desperately trying to keep us apart?

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter; **_**REVIEW**_** And I'll update soon! :D**


	11. When Doves Cry

_**Author's note: Sorry it's been so long since I updated! I've had a lot of work for University and haven't had enough time to write, and I've also been sick! But please enjoy this chapter! Sorry to anyone who thought I'd abandoned my stories! I really haven't!**_

_Rose's POV_

"I don't see why I couldn't drive," Adrian pouted at Dimitri. They were both thankfully in the front while I was in the back with Lissa and Christian. We'd been on the road for less than a minute and already it seemed the increasing testosterone levels between Dimitri and Adrian were going to be causing trouble soon.

Lissa laughed, "You've been drinking, Adrian. We don't want to die yet." Her voice was light and teasing. Adrian smiled back at her.

"Although it would be a _great_ way for me to test my healing abilities," Adrian smirked, "I'll see if I can bring one of you back."

"I don't think anyone would enjoy being bonded to you," Dimitri said in a low voice, his eyes never travelling from the road. Adrian glared at him anyway. Everyone else just cracked up laughing. I just sighed and glanced out the window. All these memories were tearing my head apart. It was weird remembering things I had no recollection of, and then suddenly have that certain event remain in your mind like it had always been there.

"Can we turn the radio on?" I tried not to sound too insistent, but I needed something to get my mind off all those stupid memories. Dimitri nodded and began to fiddle with the dials. Soon the car was filled with the torturous sounds of 80's music. A song I recognised came on: "When Doves Cry" by Prince. I let out a groan.

"Dimitri," I said, "I realise this is actually a current hit in Eastern Europe right now, but do you think we could maybe listen to something that wasn't recorded before I was born?"

Only his eyes flicked towards me, at first in the review mirror…but suddenly he was sprawled on a mat reading a book in the gym back at 's. His posture remained the same.

"What does it matter to you? I'm the one who's going to be listening to it. You'll be outside running." He replied, his voice completely serious.

The memory faded as soon as it had formed. Dimitri's eyes were still locked with mine in the review mirror and I knew I must have looked shocked. His eyes reflected what he was feeling; understanding. It was like he knew me so well, even though I didn't remember knowing him…even though I barely remembered myself.

I tore my gaze away from his, looking out the window instead. It was overwhelming. I didn't think I could take much more of these moments. My world was spinning, and every memory seemed to be like a nuclear bomb, ready to shake me and rattle me even more. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know if I wanted these memories back, but they were coming whether I wanted them to or not.

Nobody else noticed the tension in the car.

Everyone was oblivious.

I could still feel his eyes on my face.

He seemed to know exactly what moment I was remembering. I didn't know how, but I could tell he did. It scared me how close I was to him, even if I could never remember how it had happened.

"Dude," Adrian groaned, "This song just keeps getting worse."

Lissa and Christian both giggled at Adrian's declaration.

It was odd. Back before we'd run away, I'd always been the one who was always looking to have a good time. I guess I'd matured. It was weird to think how different my life was now. And Dimitri had been a part of that life, even if I didn't remember it. Had he had any kind of effect on me? Was that why I'd changed…matured? I had a feeling he was a huge reason.

"How much longer until we're there?" I asked, suddenly dreading the long trip ahead. I didn't know what to expect when we arrived. I had apparently visited the Belikov family while Dimitri was a Strigoi. Did they hate me? I was the person who brought the news of his death. I couldn't believe I had to face these people, knowing I'd been the one to crush their world, take away their son, their brother, and now I had to show up and be like, _opps, sorry. There was actually a magical way to save his life. Sorry for putting you through all that heartache for nothing._

"An hour, two tops." Dimitri replied in a low voice, eyes scanning the road ahead.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so nervous. I didn't think I had ever been so nervous in my life. This situation was _crazy_. A part of me just wished I could go back in time to a few days ago, back to when I didn't remember Dimitri and this messed up life I was living. How did everything end up this way? Life was supposed to be simple. I was supposed to live at the Academy, graduate and become Lissa's Guardian. I never wanted to have some kind of illustrious romance with a teacher, no matter how hot he was.

I guess it shouldn't surprise me. I mean, I am _Rose Hathaway_ after all. How many times have I done completely stupid things just because I could? I knew Dimitri was special to me somehow. I knew we shared a connection like I'd never experienced before…but it was still insane. And it was definitely a lot to process.

Dimitri glanced at me through the review mirror again and gave me a reassuring smile. It was almost like he could sense my nerves. Hell, maybe he _could_. It was weird…he knew me so well; better then I knew myself. I just hoped I'd start getting my memories back so I could see for myself what had happened between us.

I just hoped it wasn't as bad as I assumed.

_**So the chapter isn't that long, but I just had to get something written for you guys. The next chapter will obviously be them arriving at the Belikov house! So reviewwww; and let me know what you thought of this chapter! :D**_


	12. The Belikov Family

_**Author's note: So I'm supposed to be finishing my 1500 word essay on racism which is due soon, but I felt like writing another chapter! Thank you everyone who reviewed! You guys are awesome! :D And I hope you enjoy this chapter! :D **_

**And answering Katnuss's question:**_** I update as much as I can! If I don't have a lot of University work to do then it's usually every few days. If I have a lot of work then it can be up to a week, and if I have a looooooooooot of work + I'm sick or something then it can sometimes be a few weeks! But I try and update as much as I can sometimes I just lose track of time!**_

The drive had been long and exhausting. By the time Dimitri pulled up in front of a house the sun had just left the sky, leaving us all feeling exposed. Dimitri and I were obviously more alert then the rest. Lissa had been leaning on Christians shoulder, drifting to sleep and Adrian had actually been relatively quiet for a while. I slid out of the car, stretching my legs. My body felt numb and all I felt like doing was going for an extremely long and exhausting run.

Adrian climbed reluctantly out of the passenger seat, sliding into the driver's side. We had all agreed that it would be best if they stayed away from the Belikov house for a while, until Dimitri had time to reconnect with his family. Adrian was going to drive them back to a hotel for the night. After unloading our bags Adrian started driving back, leaving Dimitri and me standing outside his house.

"Welcome to Baia, Siberia." Dimitri sighed, staring cautiously at his home. I knew he was nervous. This was the first time he would be seeing his family in god only knows how long. And on top of that they still thought he was dead. It wasn't exactly the best circumstances to arrive home under. I was just worried about their reaction. Though you only had to _look_ at Dimitri to know he was the same man he used to be. He had warmth about him. I didn't remember knowing him well, but I could still tell that much. He was a caring person.

"Huh," I replied, "I always imagined Siberia being…more…_snowy_." It just looked normal. _Green_. There was trees and everything. There wasn't even a hint that it had recently rained.

Dimitri let out a small laugh. I couldn't _not_ notice the way his entire face changed when he laughed. Even a small laugh transformed him completely. It made his entire countenance appear warmer, like someone had lit a fire within his soul which shone through his eyes, radiating from his skin, lighting the air around him. It was amazing to watch that transformation occur.

Suddenly the front door opened and Dimitri's entire body froze. He didn't even look like he was breathing. I was actually concerned about him. If he went any paler they might actually think he was still Strigoi. Slowly, I approached him and rested my hand on his arm. His eyes met mine. I was shocked to see fear in his. He actually feared facing his family. I couldn't believe that he could even feel fear. He always seemed so solid, so indestructible, like any emotion which would take us hostage couldn't even touch him.

"This is your family." I said in a low voice. "No matter what happens right now, don't forget that they love you. They _always_ will." He nodded and took a deep breath.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the car, towards the glow of light spilling from the front door. There was a women standing there. I guessed _this_ was his mother. Her eyes were filled with tears, her mouth hanging open from shock. I could see disbelief in her eyes. _Olena_, was that her name? I could vaguely remember Dimitri mentioning her name on the car ride. I could tell that she hadn't expected us here. I guess she never expected to see her son alive again.

"Olena," I said in a cautious voice. What was I supposed to say after that though? You're sons alive! It's a miracle! No. This was their moment; Dimitri had to be the one to talk to her.

"_Dimka_," Olena choked out, managing to fill that one word with a lifetime of heartache, "I-It's you. It's really you. My boy…_my boy_." Suddenly Olena flung herself into her son's arms. I could hear her sobs. Dimitri rubbed his mother's back, holding her tightly to his chest. I could faintly hear his voice, whispering to her in Russian. The tone in his voice made me assume that he was giving her an explanation for his sudden return to his Dhampir self. I personally didn't think Olena cared. She was just happy to have her son home, in her arms, where he belonged.

He pulled back, keeping his hands on her shoulders. Olena smiled up at him through her tears, and then Dimitri said a few more words to her, pointing in my direction as he smiled and said my name. Olena glanced at me, also smiling. Her eyes were filled with tears of joy.

"Oh, Rose." She breathed, "You brought him back. _Thank you_." Suddenly she pulled me into an embrace. It was only slightly awkward. I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn't the first time we'd met. I'd been here before, and judging from her warm welcome we'd gotten along.

"Come, come!" She said, pulling away. "You both must stay here tonight."

Olena turned towards the house, and I followed Dimitri as he began walking inside. I felt like an intruder. This wasn't my family; this wasn't my life. It was Dimitri's. I felt like I was butting into a moment I shouldn't be in. I didn't remember these people. I didn't even know if we'd gotten along when I was here. He's entire family probably hated me for bringing them the news of Dimitri's demise, and now he was miraculously back. I'd caused them heartache for no good reason.

* * *

Dimitri's home was filled with warmth. As soon as you walked through the door you felt like you were being embraced. It was just filled with so much life, so much love; it was filled with memories. It was amazing. I could only hope that one day I could have a home like this. I could spend my time there when I wasn't on Guardian duty. I loved how much Dimitri transformed when he walked through the door. He appeared relaxed. I didn't think I'd ever seen him relaxed before. But in this moment, in his family home, his smile was genuine; there was no strain behind it. His body didn't look coiled and ready to fight. He looked _younger_.

Olena began yelling out in Russian. I could only assume she was summoning the rest of the household. I felt awkward as I stood behind Dimitri. This was his reunion with his family; why had he asked me to be here? I just felt like I was in the way! His eyes suddenly locked with mine, and a warm smile spread across his face. He was happy. The anxiety I'd glimpsed in him all the way here was gone. His mother's reaction had been reassuring and now he just seemed excited to see the rest of his family after such a long time away from them.

"_Viktoria_," Dimitri breathed as a girl around my age entered the room. She let out a squeal of happiness upon seeing her brother. She didn't question how his presence in their house was possible; she didn't ask how he wasn't a Strigoi anymore. She just flung herself across the room and into his arms.

"Dimitri!" She exclaimed, "We missed you so much," I could see tears filling her eyes; "We never thought we'd see you again. How-How is this possible?" She seemed to be scanning him from head to toe, repeatedly, almost like she believed he was about to disappear at any moment. I felt a pang of sadness for myself. It was selfish, but I wanted what Dimitri had. I wanted a family who cared about me. My mother and I were closer now then we had ever been, but I never got to experience having siblings; a real sister and brother. I would have loved that.

Upon hearing Viktoria's voice two more girls entered the room. These two looked older and one was carrying a newborn baby. From what Dimitri had told me I was guessing this was Sonya, which would make the other Karolina. Dimitri had informed me that when I visited them Sonya had been pregnant. If I had to guess I'd say the baby had been born recently. Sonya looked tired, but upon seeing her older brother her entire face lit up.

What followed next was a blur of hugs and Russian words which I didn't understand. The girls circled around Dimitri conversing in Russian. I thought they had completely forgotten about me until I glanced up to see them watching me with amused looks on their faces. I realised that Dimitri had been trying to talk to me, but I had been off in my own world.

"Sorry," I said, "What?"

"Come here?" He grinned. "I want you to meet my new niece."

I smiled back and walked over to glance at the small bundle in Sonya's arms. The little baby had inherited the same features they all seemed to have. She had dark brown eyes and a small smatter of brown hair. Her cheeks were rosy and she had a small grin on her face. It was almost like she knew what a special moment this was for the rest of her family.

"This is Roza." Sonya smiled at me. "We thought she deserved to be named after someone special to us."

Tears unexpectantly sprang to my eyes, "And I was special to you? Special enough to name your baby after me?" I said softly, carefully reaching out to touch Roza's little hand. I'd been the girl who delivered the news of her brother's death. I didn't see how that qualified me to have a baby named after me.

"You loved my brother with your entire heart even after he was gone. You never lost hope. You wanted to set him free from the evil which had taken him. That in its self deserves more then we could ever give. So I wanted to name my baby after you; the girl who stole my brother's heart, who planned to share with him a life, a life which we always wanted him to have, a love which he had always deserved." She grabbed one of my hands. "We thought you would release him; instead you brought him back to us. You have given us our _Dimka_. You have given us hope."

"I told you she would," a voice spoke from the doorway. An older woman stood there. I was guessing this was Dimitri's grandmother; Eva? Or Yeva? Something like that. To be honest, she looked scary. She reminded me of a witch. Dimitri had warned me about my initial reaction to her, but I guess one could never be fully prepared. She had what seemed to be a perpetual glare on her face. She almost seemed offended by the fact that no one had taken her word on whatever she had told them.

"Oh hush," Olena chuckled at her mother. "Even you couldn't predict a miracle such as this."

* * *

Hours passed before Dimitri and I were allowed to finally go to bed. The Belikov family were thrilled to see both of us, much to my surprise. They had no idea that I didn't remember them, but they filled Dimitri in on a bunch of stories from my time there. They were all so nice. By the end of the night I felt like I'd known them for years. They all seemed to believe I was the reason for Dimitri's "salvation". I just wished I could remember saving him in the first place.

Olena was directing us to our rooms. At least I'd thought _rooms_. Emphasis on the plural. Instead she stopped in front of one singular door with a smile on her face. Dimitri stood by my side, looking a little uncomfortable. He opened his mouth slightly. Obviously to tell his mother that we were no longer together and that we might require separate sleeping areas. But then tears sprang to Olena's eyes as she stared at us both.

"No words could ever express how happy I am that my Dimka has returned to us," She said. She reached out for my hand, a look of such happiness in her eyes that I couldn't speak. "I hope your love lasts a lifetime. It would break my heart to see you lose each other again." She leaned over and gently kissed my cheek, then did the same with Dimitri.

"Goodnight." I managed to say before she disappeared. She'd obviously seen me after I'd lost him. Had I really been so heartbroken without him? And how the hell could we tell her we weren't together now? It would break her heart. I could never do that to her. She was so nice. She was caring and generous and I could tell how much she loved her family.

I silently entered the room. _One bed! _My inner voice groaned. Dimitri followed me inside, closing the door behind him.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"For what?" I turned to him.

"For not telling her about us," He replied with a sigh. "It was very generous of you."

"She's a nice woman." I replied, my eyes still locked on the bed. "I couldn't tell her, especially after what she said."

Dimitri's eyes followed mine and I caught a brief glimpse of his smile, "I can sleep on the floor." He said. The smile was gone, but I could still see it in his eyes. I tried to keep my own smile off my face. I'd feel guilty if I made him sleep on the floor…but if I shared a bed with him- well even the thought of that stirred up feelings I'd rather ignore. Even if I didn't remember most of what happened between us he was still one of the most attractive men I had ever seen. I couldn't be responsible for what happened around him.

"It's fine." I replied. Maybe I could sleep on the floor instead. Or at the end of the bed. Geez, I was just naming all the places a dog would sleep.

He stood awkwardly in front of me, "So…" He began to speak, "Did you get any memories back about them yet?" I was shocked to realise that I hadn't. Usually it would take just a little moment similar to one I'd previously experienced and the memories would flood in. Now, there was nothing. It was really weird.

"No," I replied, confused, "No I didn't."

"What are you going to do when you get back all your memories?" He questioned. His eyes bore into mine. He was once again completely serious and guarded. It was odd how he could change so quickly.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "I don't even know how bad they were." Dimitri would know. He would remember everything I couldn't. But I couldn't ask him, could I?

"I broke your heart." Dimitri replied. He looked ashamed. "I couldn't stand seeing you once I was a Dhampir again. Every time I looked at you I was reminded of what I had become when I was awakened. I hurt you." His eyes were filled with sadness and regret, "I _physically_ hurt you and I can never forgive myself for that."

I took a step closer to him, gently placing a hand on his arm. "I _forgive_ you for that." His skin felt warm, "Now you have to forgive yourself."

"You don't even remember it." He replied. His eyes were locked on my hand, the one that was placed on his arm. "How can you forgive me when you don't even remember what happened?" His voice sounded desperate and I could see tears beginning to form in his eyes. For the first time I could actually see the heartache he felt through his eyes, and it was devastating. I wanted to make it go away, but no words seemed to help.

"I forgive you because I can see what a good person you are." I answered, "I can see the love you have for me in your every action; so I know you would never hurt me, not if you had a choice. And you _didn't_ have a choice. You have to stop feeling bad for something which you had no control over. Even if I did remember I know with absolute certainty that I would still forgive you."

"I wish you could just remember all the good, and none of the bad." He said softly. "It would break my heart to lose you again."

I suddenly realised how close we were standing. My hand was still resting on his arm and our gazes were still locked. I felt like the whole world slowed down. And then the air around me seemed to shimmer and I almost let out a groan; I guess it was memory time.

Dimitri stood in front of me.

I was shocked when I realised he was a Strigoi. I was remembering being held _captive_. I felt fear…or past me did anyway. Dimitri gazed down at me like a hunter. He eyed me hungrily. I was shocked to see lust in his eyes…or as close to lust as an evil undead creature can get. As soon as I noticed this he leaned closer, his lips touching mine. I closed my eyes and felt his lips brush _gently_ against mine. I was shocked to realise they weren't cold…in fact his lips were warm. His hand slid up my back, causing a moan to escape from my lips. He felt warm pressed against me.

And then he pulled back, staring down at me…

And he was normal again. Dimitri. Just a Dhampir Dimitri.

I realised I'd been pulled from my memory…because _he kissed me!_

"I-" I muttered. I had nothing else to say after that though. What was I supposed to say? My eyes were drawn to his lips; they were so full. I could still feel my lips tingling from where his had just been. His arm was still wrapped around me, holding me close to him and his eyes seemed to be blazing with desire. I knew it would be a bad idea to kiss him, or to be in a situation like this with him at all. I still hadn't got my memories back. I didn't remember what had caused me to forget him in the first place, so this was a horrible idea. I knew that, and I knew he would know that deep down too.

_Walk away, _the reasonable part of my brain demanded, _Go to bed and sleep it off. _It sounded like the most logical idea. I knew it could be disastrous if we prolonged this moment any further.

"We should go to bed," I spoke, thankfully, in a steady voice.

His arm dropped from around me, leaving me feeling cold. "Yeah," He shook his head, "Uh, we should." His eyes were filled with disappointment…but also understanding. So much understanding. He was _always_ so understanding with me, no matter what it was about. His eyes were also filled with love…an overwhelming amount of love with caused my chest to tighten. His eyes were still filled with longing, desire. I could see all his emotions so clearly. It was too much to take in.

He walked over to the bed, finally breaking eye contact with me. I took a deep breath, finally able to breathe again.

I turned toward the bed, watching as he gently pulled back the blankets.

"I can sleep on the floor if you'd like." He turned to look at me again, giving me a small smile.

"Sleep wherever you'd like." I replied, sounding too polite and formal. At least now he had the option to sleep in the bed or on the floor. He'd feel too awkward next to me in bed, so at least I wouldn't have to tell him to sleep on the floor.

He nodded as I walked towards the bed. He stepped back to allow me more room.

"Thanks for asking me to come here," I said, reluctantly meeting his eyes again. "It's a beautiful country and your family are amazing. You're lucky to have them."

He nodded. "Goodnight, _Roza_." His voice sounded husky and I could faintly hear his Russian accent laced underneath his words. My heartbeat seemed to increase, just slightly. His eyes bore into mine once again and they were conveying every emotion he was feeling; love, desire, longing, regret, guilt, sadness…

I'll never be sure what possessed me to kiss him, but I did. I could tell he was shocked, but after a second he begun kissing me back. His arm wrapped around me, pulling me closer to him. His other hand slid up my back, winding into my hair at the base of my neck. My hands made their way to his chest. I could feel the hard muscle underneath, and I could feel the tempo of his heartbeat, racing in time with mine. As the kiss deepened the whole world seemed to drop away, leaving only me and Dimitri locked in an eternal embrace.

_**LONGEST CHAPTER EVER FOR THIS STORY… I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I definitely enjoyed writing it! So review and let me know what you thought! :D And sorry for the long time in between updates…too much Uni work and too little time :( But thankfully I finished all six assessments for this week…and I'll definitely try and update again as soon as I possibly can!**_

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	13. Memories are Truth

**Author's note: The next chapter is hereeeeee! So thank you for all your amazing reviews! I LOVE YOU ALL! And I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's not very long…but I didn't have a lot of time to write and I wanted to have an update for you guys! :D**

I felt like I was floating above myself; disconnected from my own body and mind. Dimitri was in a deep and peaceful sleep beside me, looking so tranquil…so happy. I hadn't seen him look like this since I'd erased him from my mind. At least I didn't remember him looking this happy. He always seemed to be shrouded in darkness. His soul and mind radiated a golden glow, yet his eyes were haunted, lost; weary from the constant turmoil his life was in. He just regained what was most important to him; his soul, his family and now in his mind he finally had me.

The only problem with his belief that I was now his was the fact that I still hadn't regained all my memories so I was still ignorant to what exactly had occurred between us which had left me so heartbroken that I resorted to erasing every trace of him from my mind. After the kiss we shared; heated and full of passion; I'd immediately been filled with guilt. It was unfair to Dimitri to dangle the possibility of a future together in front of him, just to rip it away if I decided the memories, and everything that had occurred between us, were too much to overcome.

Another problem I faced was the fact that while my mind didn't remember him entirely, the rest of me did. During our kiss I just knew it wasn't the first. I could _feel_ the energy and heat from that kiss surrounding me, tightly wrapping me in a cocoon of love and passion. But the love and passion I had felt swirling around me wasn't _new. _It felt like a distant memory, a forgotten feeling.

I knew I couldn't allow another kiss like that to happen again. It was dangerous. I obviously couldn't control myself around Dimitri. He held a power over me that was too strong, a power I didn't fully understand yet. Plus I couldn't hurt him again, not after everything he's been through. He'd been to hell and back; he'd lost his soul, his humanity. He'd faced horrors that I couldn't even comprehend and he'd committed acts which I was sure he would always be haunted by. Slowly, and as quietly as possible, I slipped out of bed. I sent a silent prey to the man upstairs for at least giving me the good sense not to go further than a kiss. I exited the room, making sure I didn't make a sound.

I was surprised when I walked down stairs to be greeted by his entire family. It was still early, but they were all there, doing various things. I ventured into the kitchen where Olena was preparing breakfast. The smell of the food assaulted my senses, making my mouth involuntarily water. It looked delicious. Olena glanced up, her face lighting with a glorious smile which painfully reminded me of Dimitri's the previous night.

"Good morning," She beamed. "Did you sleep well?"

I nodded, giving her a smile in return. "Yeah. I slept well." It was a small lie. I hadn't slept at all. I just laid in bed watching Dimitri while guilt gnawed at me for hours one end.

Olena clucked her tongue. "You look troubled dear." She turned away, pouring a generous amount of coffee into a mug and placing it in front of me. "Talk to me. It may help with your dilemma."

I let out a long, drawn out sigh. "I don't even _know_ what's troubling me. That's the problem." I just wished I could remember the specific moment where I decided knowing Dimitri was too painful to remember. How could I tell his mother that I'd elected to forget all the good times I had with her precious son just because of a few bad times? I'd forgotten her, and the entire Belikov family. But I had to tell her. I couldn't go on pretending anymore.

She gave me a patient look, somehow knowing I wanted to say more. She understood I just needed a few more seconds to organise my hectic thoughts before trying to verbalise whatever was running through my mind. But I could take all the time in the world and still not have a good way to explain what I'd done.

"I don't remember him." I blurted out. "I don't remember any of you."

Olena looked confused. She placed her hand over mine, letting it rest there in a comforting gesture that made my eyes begin to fill with water.

"Explain." She asked in a soft voice. "Get it off your mind."

"Something happened between Dimitri and I. I don't _remember_ what it is though. But after it happened I went to a friend of mine. He's a spirit user and I asked him to make me forget Dimitri. So now I don't remember you. Any of you. I don't even remember coming to Russia to find Dimitri. I don't remember saving him. I don't _remember_ and it's driving me crazy." I knew my voice was starting to sound hysteric but I couldn't help it. It was so frustrating not remembering important parts of my life.

Olena quickly made her way to my side, pulling me into a hug. Her hand stroked my hair gently, like a mother soothing her upset child. I had to fight the tears threatening to spill. I was a Guardian! I was supposed to be strong, ruthless. This was definitely not a highlight in my life.

"The truth is too powerful to hide for long." An older voice spoke suddenly. I turned, wiping at my eyes in case traitorous tears had spilt. I glanced into Yeva's old face. Her wise eyes gazed at me, holding an emotion I couldn't describe. "Memories are _truth_. They cannot be erased, just hidden. They will always reveal themselves again." Her lips twitched, like she might smile. Instead she just let out a grunt and left the room.

I turned to Olena and gave her a fleeting smile. "Is she always so…"

"Prophetic?" Olena laughed.

"I was going to say creepy…but that does sound better." I laughed with her.

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	14. Building Bridges

_**Authors note: It's been a crappy day, so I thought I'd write a chapter for you. It's been too long, I know! :) Enjoy!**_

Didn't William Shakespeare once say "What is done cannot be undone?" I'd never considered him as a wise man, purely because everything he wrote was tinged with sadness, betrayal and death, but his words were true. I couldn't undo what had been done. It would surely make life a lot simpler if I did, but I couldn't.

I sat at the Belikov's kitchen table, playing with the delicious food Olena had insisted I eat. I couldn't though. I felt sick. I knew what I'd done was wrong and I knew it would have consequences. I'd _kissed_ Dimitri Belikov, a man I didn't even _remember_ knowing. We'd practically _just_ met and I'd thrown myself at him. I wasn't just filled with guilt, I was also embarrassed. Apparently I hadn't grown up since I returned to the Academy with Lissa. I was still the same reckless Rose I'd always been.

I took a deep breath, praying that Lissa and Adrian would arrive soon and get me out of here. Every second that ticked by added more tension to the room. I could practically feel it vibrating in the air. Footsteps sounded, and I instantly knew it was Dimitri, finally stirring from his sleep. I held my breath, still not ready to face him and the disappointment he would feel when he saw the regret in my eyes. I couldn't stand the idea of hurting him.

Olena's presence in the room was oddly comforting. She was so motherly, so maternal. It was nice to have someone like that around for once. My mother had been absent most of my life, too busy working to raise and care for me. I wished Janine could have been more like Olena. At the very least she could have tried to visit more often and show some interest in my life.

Suddenly Dimitri entered the room. His eyes went straight to me, and I was shocked to see how happy he looked. I'd never seen him so happy before. His eyes practically glittered with cheer, and the smile which soon appeared on his face transformed him from the stoic Guardian to just a regular man. His happiness fed my guilt, causing it to grow like some unwanted weed in my subconscious. It was unfair that I had the ability to cause him so much unneeded hurt.

He quickly crossed the room to Olena, pulling her into a hug and planting a soft kiss on her forehead. His soft voice whispered something to her in Russia, making tears spring to her eyes. I knew I wasn't the only reason for his happiness right now. He finally had his family back. He was finally complete. And so was Olena. She was finally happy; her heart had been cleansed from the grief of losing her precious son. A miracle had happened…something meant only for fairy tales. Her son had returned to her.

Dimitri's eyes roamed back to me, taking in my expression. Even though his face registered my guilt-stricken expression his happiness didn't waver. Instead a smile crept onto his face. I tried to remove the questioning look my face had composed into, but I couldn't hide my confusion, especially not from Dimitri. He knew me too well, apparently.

"Rose," His voice broke through the tension in the room. He didn't acknowledge it though. Maybe I'd just created the tension in my own mind?

"Yes," I replied. I realised my hand was suspended in the air, a fork in my hand. Red coloured my face as I lowered it to the table.

"I'd like to go for a drive, come with me." It wasn't a question; It was a demand. I found myself nodding before I realised what I'd done. This man confused my mind immensely, and after last night I had no desire to be completely alone with him…not the I had that choice now.

Without a word he turned towards the door, expecting me to follow behind him. I did. Like a puppy. I couldn't help myself. His presence was addictive. Plus, how could I say no to him. I'd broken his heart and erased him from my mind. I'd done some bitchy things in the past, but that definitely topped the list.

He walked to the passenger side of the car, opening the door like the gentleman his mother raised him to be. Of course my guilt just increased. I'd broken his heart, erased him from my mind, _and_ he was a gentleman. He was that rare kind of guy who you wait your entire life to meet…and I, Rosemarie Hathaway, erased him from my _entire_ memory! I honestly had no idea what was wrong with me.

I climbed into the car quickly, keeping an appropriate distance between us. My heart rate increased the second his eyes locked with mine. His smile from earlier had been erased, and his eyes held an intensity which was _impossible_ to look away from. There was a question lying in the depths of his eyes, one I couldn't fathom. And then he was gone, making his way over to the driver's side of the car.

I shook of the moment and reinforced my guardian mask. I just had to act normal during our outing and the rest of the trip, and I'd wait until I had all my memories back before I made any kind of decisions regarding Dimitri. Which meant no more kissing. Scratch that; no more touching of _any_ kind. And I had to avoid any situation alone with him where he could give me one of those looks which convey how much he loves me without uttering a since word. Those were dangerous looks.

After climbing into the car he let out a deep sigh. "If I wasn't so selfish I'd just let you go." He muttered to himself.

* * *

Dimitri drove for hours. It felt like hours anyway. By the time he stopped driving my muscles felt stiff and I felt tired, even though I'd slept for hours the night before. Dimitri, on the other hand, seemed newly energized as he jumped out of the car. That smile was back on his face. It mad me happy to see it.

I climbed out of the car slower than he did and joined him. I had no idea where we were, but it was clear that he did. Underneath his happiness was something else. I could see reluctance in his eyes. I felt like he was waiting for something. Though I didn't know what it was.

"Come with me." He said, not meeting my eyes. "There's a beautiful place here I want you to see."

I just nodded, somehow understanding that he wanted silence. I followed behind him reluctantly. His expression was scaring me. He was determined to take me somewhere, yet he almost seemed afraid. He glanced back at me as if he'd sensed my reluctance and offered me a small smile. That smile did weird things to my heart and brain. No wonder I'd kissed him.

I quickened my pace to fall in stride with him. He seemed to know exactly where he was going. I realised suddenly that he was probably taking me to a place he used to go to when he lived with his family in Russia. Maybe he wanted to show me a side to him only past me had seen. Another aspect of Dimitri I'd erased from my mind. It was sweet.

We walked for a while until a river came into view. I didn't know how I hadn't noticed it sooner. But it was beautiful. I stood staring at it in awe. Catching my expression, Dimitri let out a laugh, though he didn't seem to be in such a good mood anymore.

"Come," He held out his hand. Without thinking about it I placed my hand in his, letting him drag me further. _Damn. _That definitely broke the no touching rule I'd made.

After a short climb Dimitri led me onto a bridge which overlooked the river. I could hear the running water rushing below. Thankfully the bridge looked steady enough so I didn't have to fear plunging into the depths below.

"This is the Ob," Dimitri said, "The River runs through Novosibirsk." His eyes suddenly became shielded as if he didn't want me knowing what he was feeling.

"Did you used to come here often?" I pried. Maybe this was where he brought all the girls who swooned over him when he was younger. Suddenly I regretted asking the question. I so didn't want to know.

He let out a short laugh, one without humour. "No. Only once." He replied, resting his arms on the rail in front of him. His gaze remained locked on the river below.

"So what happened here that made it so special to you?" I questioned. Suddenly I was struck with a thought; what if _I_ had come here with him? Then I remembered I'd only gone to Russia once before, and that was when he was Strigoi.

"I almost died here." He answered, finally meeting my gaze. He was looking at me like I was something fragile which was going to break at any moment. It almost seemed like he was waiting for it to happen.

"How?" I replied, shocked. I didn't know why he'd want to return here if something horrible had happened to him.

"I was staked." He answered, "And _then_ I fell off this bridge into the river." His eyes were quizzical as he watched me, and the reluctance I'd seen earlier was back.

"Oh," I said, still feeling shocked that he'd chosen to bring me here.

I glanced at Dimitri again, surprised to see a flicker of annoyance on his face. "Have you remembered anything recently?" He asked in a guarded voice.

"No." I shook my head, "No recently."

He let out a huff. It sounded like a mixture of annoyance and resignation.

Suddenly he climbed onto the rail, one leg dangling above the river, the other dangling over the bridge.

"What are you doing?" I shrieked. I was instantly at his side, trying to pull him back onto the bridge but he easily shook me off. He was stronger than me. He always had been. In a swift movement he swung his other leg over the edge.

"Dimitri, don't." I could hear the panic in my voice as I tried to grab his arm again, "_Please_."

"Why?" He asked softly. A sad smile stretching across his face.

"Because…" I began, but suddenly the world seemed to tilt. Everything dimmed; the sun had faded from the sky. I realised that I was in another memory. The moon hung in the sky, and I was sitting where Dimitri had been just moments ago. I glanced down at the swiftly moving water.

_I looked at Dimitri. Shocked filled me as I took him in. He was a Strigoi. _

"_We need to be together." I heard his voice through the wind. There was a plaintive note to his voice which shocked me even more. _

"_Why?" I heard my past self utter. It was soft and barely audible, but he could hear me._

"_Because I want you." He replied. I knew that was the only answer he could have given. He was a Strigoi after all._

"_Wrong answer." I heard my reply. _

_I let go._

_As I started to fall he was there, pulling me back onto the bridge. He wanted to turn me, and even though I'd tried to kill myself he was still determined to awaken me. Nothing I did or said would stop him._

_Everything else happened so fast. Dimitri's voice telling me to stop fighting; me yelling at him to let me go. And then I plunged a stake into his chest._

_I looked him in the eye. "I will always love you." I felt the truth behind the words. They'd come out of my own mouth once, and as I felt myself pushing the stake further into his chest I felt like I was also impaling my own._

"_That's what I was supposed to say…" He gasped. His last words to me before he fell into the river below._

A scream tore from my lips. He was dead. I killed him. But…no. I glanced around me, relieved to see the sun above me. I could feel the bridge below my back; an arm was cradling me.

Dimitri.

I choked back a sob. The memory had felt so vivid, like I had actually been standing there, witnessing his death. But Dimitri was alive. He was here. My hand reached for his, squeezing it so tightly I was surprised he didn't complain. After all the Strigoi I'd killed, I was glad I'd screwed up.

Once my eyes finally focused Dimitri face came into view. He looked nervous.

"I'm sorry." He instantly said, "I just…didn't know how to make you remember." His voice sounded broken. I noticed he had tears streaming down his face. So did I. I started crying once I'd seen him die in my memory.

I threw my arms around him. I didn't know why. I just felt so overwhelmed by the memory and all the feelings I'd experienced. I'd loved him so much. I knew that losing him pushed me to my breaking point. I thought he was dead. I really did.

"I almost killed you." I whimpered.

He pulled me back a bit to look into my eyes. "You saved me." He said seriously. Then his lips were on mine. My resistance disappeared instantly and I melted into his embrace. My mind screamed that I'd promised myself not to kiss him, but how couldn't I?

I'd started to feel it again. The love I'd felt for him in the memories. It was the only thing keeping my heart beating. The love I'd had for him flowed through my veins once again. I felt like it had slammed into me; my heart, mind and soul. I pulled away from Dimitri, glancing into his eyes once more before the world around me went black. I fainted.

* * *

Memories flashed relentlessly through my mind.

Every moment we had shared

I remembered how strong and invincible he'd been when we first met, when he came to bring Lissa and me back to the folds of Moroi society. I remembered the gentleness of his touch when he bandaged my bloodied and battered hands. I remembered him making me run laps. His lessons. The rare smiles I'd strive to gain from him. I remembered him carrying me in his arms after I was attacked by Natalie. I remembered the night we shared together in the cabin, just before the Strigoi had taken him. I remembered the heartbreaking moment when he's body wasn't brought back with the others; the knowledge that the man who once seemed invincible wasn't. And I remembered the words which had broken my heart; Love fades, mine has.

I remembered everything.

And I would never forget again.

_**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Another will be posted soon! :D REVIEW and let me know what you thought!**_


	15. Fixing the Unbroken

'_**Fixing the Unbroken'**_

_**Author's note: Just saw the cutest picture of Zoey Deutch and Danila Kozlovsky! So now I haveeee to write this next chapter! :D Thank you for all your reviews! I love you guys! :D Who else is excited for the VA Movie!? **_

_**Rose's POV**_

I was encased in darkness so unbreakable that I was positive I had died. I was convinced my body couldn't take the return of my memories. They hadn't gracefully appeared, they'd slammed into my body with a force I couldn't fathom. I felt like I'd just impacted with a solid brick wall going hundreds of miles a _second_. The only reason I knew I hadn't died was the fact that I could still feel my body. And it was aching. Every inch of my skin felt like it was being torn apart. Why? I had no idea. But I'd never experienced pain like this before. I'd take the heartbreak I'd felt when I thought Dimitri had died a hundred times before I'd want this. I almost willed death's claws to take me, at least then I would be at peace.

But…I was Rosemarie Hathaway.

I had a lot of things I had to do before I could allow myself to be taken from the world. Plus, I was a Guardian. That meant I _had_ to have a heroic death, fighting off a powerful and ancient Strigoi, dying nobly in battle; not on a bridge because my memories decided to fight their way back inside my mind. I considered the possibility that the pain I felt was mental, not physical. My memories were probably just causing this. Another reason why I should have erased them; maybe this was my karmic punishment. I now had to suffer this immobilising pain to make up for the hurt and pain I'd caused Dimitri. Though I couldn't regret what I'd done. Before I'd erased Dimitri from my mind he didn't want me anymore. His love had faded, or so he claimed. All it took was me forgetting him for him to realise how stupid that decision had been. That's obviously not what I'd intended to happen, but it had. And I was glad.

Suddenly the darkness which I'd started to grow used to seemed to shimmer and change. Maybe I was finally waking up? No. Just as the thought entered my mind spirits began to materialize before me. I groaned internally. I'd always hated them, but at least I'd had slight control over them before. At first they drifted, their faces peaceful. But just as I began to relax their images shifted. Suddenly there was blood everywhere, and deadly screams. Their forms seemed to revert to the way they were when they had died. Hundreds of bodies swirled around me, making me feel like I was trapped inside a tornado of the undead.

I could feel the panic building inside my chest. They were too close. Their mouths were opened impossibly wide and they screeched and scream, turning my blood cold. My stomach twisted, making me feel sicker then I had been before. I tried to raise my arms to shield myself from them, but I couldn't move. They just grew closer, louder and more vivid. Through their screams I could hear murmuring. I assumed I was hearing Dimitri until the voice grew louder.

Cold breath fell on my cheek as one of the spirits whispers _"Come with us."_

More ghosts joined in, chanting _come with us. _Other continued to scream and when I began to feel their sticky and cold fingers on my skin I felt a hysterical scream tear from my own throat. They were everywhere, and I could _feel_ them.

* * *

_**Lissa's POV**_

"It's not working." I groaned. I had been working with Adrian all day, trying to heal Rose. It seemed like she was in some sort of coma, yet there was nothing physically wrong with her, or mentally as far as we could tell. After we'd arrived at the Belikov's house Rose and Dimitri had been gone. Olena had graciously allowed us to wait for them and hours later when they had returned Dimitri carried Rose through the door, tears streaming down his face. He didn't know what had happened.

"We need more help." Adrian finally spoke, looking at Rose with concern. We'd placed her on a bed upstairs. Dimitri sat in a chair next to her while Adrian and I attempted to get her back. The only problem with our task was the fact that she was already _there_. She just wouldn't wake up.

"Who?" I exclaimed. My frustration was getting the best of me. I couldn't lose Rose. But I couldn't figure out how to get her back. How could you fix the something that wasn't even broken? "In case you didn't realise, Adrian, we know no one here, and-"

I stopped talking. Rose's body jerked. I'd seen it. Dimitri's face lit up slightly as he watched Rose intently, and both Adrian and Dimitri stood and moved to my side. We watched Rose with hopeful expressions on our face. Maybe she was finally waking up. I noticed beads of sweat forming on Rose's face and chest. Her breathing was getting heavier.

"Something's not right." I muttered. I could feel it in my bones.

"Rose?" Dimitri exclaimed, running to her side. Just as his hand reached out to touch her she let out a bloodcurdling scream. Her body barely moved, as if she couldn't make it, but she thrashed around as if trying to get something off her.

Olena barged into the room. Upon seeing Rose she crossed herself, muttering something in Russian. Tears formed in her eyes as she watched. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to fix this. Tears streamed down my face as I stood hopelessly by my best friend.

"Rose? Rose, please open your eyes." Dimitri whispered, tears flowing from his eyes. Adrian walked over to me, gripping my hand in his. I couldn't look at him. My eyes were glued on Rose. So was everyone else's.

"What about Oksana?" Adrian suddenly said.

"What about her?" I questioned, "We can't heal Rose. She won't be able to either."

"But Olena helped Rose get into your head once, remember? Maybe she can do that again. Maybe she can get in Rose's head and help her somehow." Adrian's voice was suddenly excited. Everyone turned to face him, our eyes shining with hope.

"I'll get her." Olena volunteers, giving us a small smile before she left.

"Thank you, Adrian." Dimitri said, picking up Rose's hand in hers and kissing it gently.

"I'd do anything for Rose." Adrian responded, a haunted expression in his eyes.

* * *

"I can create a bridge between your minds," Oksana explained, "So hopefully once I do that, you'll be able to communicate with Rose, like she did through me last time she was in Russia." I nodded. I remembered that night. I'd almost died and Rose had saved me from Avery and the two shadow-kissed guys she'd made.

"Okay," I nodded, "I'm ready." And I was. I wanted to help Rose for once. She was always the one helping everyone else. It was time I returned the favour.

Oksana wasted no time. Soon I could feel her invasive presence in my mind. And then I could feel her concentrating on Rose. As I began to close my eyes the room around me turned dark, and suddenly Rose materialized in front of me. I opened my mouth in shock. This was Rose's mind, and somehow I was standing in front of Rose.

She was sitting on the ground, though there was no ground here, just an endless sea of blackness. Her head was buried in her knees. She looked like she was trying to shield herself from something, but I couldn't see what that could be. Everywhere was just darkness. I carefully stepped forward, expecting to plummet downwards into the blackness. Instead my foot connected with the ground, and I quickly made my way to Rose's side.

"Rose," I said gently, placing my hand on her arm.

Her head whipped up and I noticed with shock that her face was stained with tears. She glanced at me as if she couldn't comprehend that I was actually in front of her. It was disconcerting seeing her look so forlorn.

"_Lissa_?" Her voice croaked, "How are you here?"

"Olena." I replied, sitting down in front of her. I grabbed her hands; they felt like ice. "She helped create a bridge between our minds."

"So that's where I am?" She replied, glancing around. "My mind is so dark." She let out an unamused laughed, then glanced back at me. "I guess I should have expected it to look like this. It's the darkness that will one day make me go mad."

"I tried healing you." I said, looking around. "If you're really trapped inside your mind, maybe that's why it didn't work. I was healing your body."

"My memories are all back Liss." Rose sighed. "I think that's why I'm trapped. It was too much at once."

"Maybe." I sighed. I closed my eyes, focusing on my spirit. I sent it into Rose, carefully at first, but then more. I was sitting in front of Rose, but this wasn't her; she was back with Oksana, Dimitri and Adrian. I was with her mind. And I had to heal it; otherwise she would stay locked here forever.

"Ow, stop it." Rose attempted to pull away, but I kept a firm hold on her hands. She must be weaker in her mind. "That _hurts_." She accused.

Nothing she said would stop me. I unleashed every last bit of spirit I had within me, and just when I thought that would be enough Adrian appeared beside me, looking confused. I knew immediately that Oksana had brought him here after seeing my struggle.

After seeing what I was doing Adrian sat next to me, combining his strengths with mine. The darkness below us turned a shade of grey, and then everything else began to appear brighter until the darkness was gone, leaving white in its place.

Rose glanced around, mouth open in shock.

And then suddenly the bridge Oksana had made collapsed, and I was back in the Belikov house with Adrian. I gaped at Oksana. She just gave me a small smile. I could see how tired she looked, and I was shocked to see the sun had set outside. She'd sat there for hours while we tried to heal Rose from inside her mind.

"Are you okay?" I asked immediately.

She just nodded, "Nothing some rest won't fix."

Rose let out a groan. All eyes flew to her and she glared at me, holding up her blistered, red hands. "You hurt my hands." She accused. We all breathed out a collective sigh of relief that she was okay.

"Oh, _Roza_." Dimitri chuckled, kissing her forehead.

_**I was going to make this chapter longer, but I must update this now so I can write another chapter for my other fanfiction story! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D REVIEW please! :D **_


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